1. Would you take him back?


     

    Ramona Singer

    Ramona Singer

    Click top title to open the item  Real Housewife of New York Ramona Singer is not known for her cool, calm demeanor. Au contraire! Bravo host Andy Cohen actually coined the term “Ramotional” to describe Singer’s over-the-top reactions. So, many people were shocked to hear that she may be ready to forgive and reconcile with her straying spouse Mario. Singer filed for divorce from her husband of 25 years after catching him with his mistress in their Hamptons home over the holidays.

    With uncharacteristic calm, Singer recently told former cast-mate and talk show host Bethenny Frankel, “I’m going through some adversity, but through adversity you become stronger.” She went on to say, “I know my husband loves me. He knows I love him. We will see what will happen. Nothing is in stone, and life is an evolution.”  Singer went on to tell the audience that “as long as you feel good about yourself, you can handle anything – it is all about you.”  Ramona wrapped up, sounding more like herself, by saying, “everything will work out the way I want it to work out.”

    Ramona also recently posted a selfie of herself, daughter Ashely, and Mario hanging out together as a family.

    I am not surprised. In spite of her antics as a “Housewife” I admired Ramona. She is a self-made millionaire and was one before she was on RHNY. She made her fortune in the tough fashion business by buying and reselling clothes to fashion discounters. Ramona is also a devoted mother who stresses the importance of education and independence to her daughter. And from all reports she is a loyal friend.  Obviously there is a lot more to Ramona Singer than one might think by watching her go at the Countess or getting silly with her pal Sonja Morgan.

    As a mature, sophisticated woman, I am sure Ramona has seen the aftermath of a hasty divorce. She must have looked deep into her heart to see whether she can get past the pain and humiliation of her husband’s transgression. And it would only make sense for Ramona to consider whether she and her daughter would be happier and better off with or without him. And if she admitted to Bethenny that she knows he loves her and she loves him, then she has already admitted it to herself.

    No one likes being cheated on or lied to in a marriage, a partnership, or a friendship. It is a breach of trust. It is also embarrassing and humiliating to be publicly betrayed and one can never underestimate that sting.

    If you accept marriage as a long-term proposition you also eventually accept that you will be hurt, embarrassed, and forced to forgive several times before “death do you part.” It is inevitable given human frailty. One always hopes not to have to agonize over forgiving a cheating spouse but it happens. I wonder if Ramona thought about how many marriages have failed under the strain of reality TV.  So many, in fact, that divorce is known as “the curse of reality TV.” I hope that she doesn’t blame herself for Mario’s cheating because we are all responsible for own behaviour.

    When the news of yet another marital scandal breaks there are always those ready to criticize the partner who stays. Huma Abedin, the well-respected former aide to Hillary Clinton, has amazed people by sticking by her husband – former Congressman Anthony Weiner – through repeated, embarrassing, sexting incidents. People wonder why she doesn’t leave him when no one would blame her.  And she is only one wife whose dedication to her marriage has been the subject of public debate.The late Helen Gurley Brown wrote many advice books for women, including the classic Sex and the Single Girl. She declared that most marriages have a secret contract or an agreement between the parties as to what they will and will not tolerate from each other. She is right; it is how civilized people manage not snip away at each other as they weather the storms of life together.Would you take back a cheating husband? If you are lucky you won’t have to think about it. Will Ramona take Mario back? She just might. The truest thing anyone ever said about marriage is “no one ever really knows what goes on between two people”. Either way, I wish her luck.

     

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