Would you date an ugly schmuck?

Joe DeLuca founder of Dating for Ugly SchmucksHave you heard about the online dating site dedicated to "dating for ugly schmucks"? I predict it will make its founder rich. 

According to a report on ABC affiliate KABC, Canadian Joe DeLuca says he wanted to create a community — don’t you love those Internet buzz words — “for people who don’t feel comfortable on traditional dating sites because they don’t feel good looking enough.” The KABC report also said that members can vote off anyone they feel is too good looking. On a CNN report, I heard a woman say she joined because she was sick of people who were too interested in “looks and material wealth.” Darlings, I wish her luck if she thinks a dating site where people vote off others is her protection against shallowness. I fear she’s about to be once again buffeted by the harsh reality of human nature.

 
I wonder if the Joe DeLuca considers him self an “ugly schmuck” and if the idea for this site was born from personal rejection in the dating pool. Or is he just another Internet sharpie looking to cash in on human loneliness and misery? The 21-year-old student created the site in his spare time and has already received a lot of media attention. And for those of you who may not know, there are many definitions of the word ‘schmuck’ and none are flattering. But most agree it means a stupid embarrassing person.
 
Some of the users interviewed liked the site. Others who tried it complained it isn’t so much for “ugly people”, but for underachievers and whiners. I guess that ugly like beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
 
Recently I saw the movie The Social Network about the creation of Facebook. Though the veracity of the story is hotly-contested, the film is fabulous. One part of film I find very believable is that a young awkward Mark Zuckerberg was inspired to create Facebook so he could shine socially and impress women. Why do I believe it? Because it what’s guys do if they can, especially young guys. Women do it too, but differently. University is about getting an education, but it is also a time to test your mettle socially. It is also a time to mate and pair up.
 
We are social creatures. The urge that drives us to mix, mingle, and mate never really goes away until we are lucky enough to find a mate or lifestyle that makes us happy. For some that is being single, but for most it is looking for Mr. or Ms. Right — or at least Mr. or Ms. Right-Now.
 
I have been married for years. Many of my friends have been too. Others are single and dating. A few have no interest in dating, but they are not the majority. I can’t say they envy those who are single and looking to connect. Dating today seems more fraught with peril than I remember.
 
When I watch popular talk shows I am always shocked at how harsh people are in their judgments of others and themselves. This new website, Dating for Ugly Schmucks just confirms it. I don’t see it leading to happiness for its members.
 
I can’t see those who describe themselves as ‘ugly’ or ‘schmucks’ as having a very up-beat or positive personality. I think anyone who signs up to date a self-proclaimed schmuck would find he or she comes with a lot of baggage.
 
I married before Internet dating was even conceived. The most hideous thing I have experienced was blind dates. I want on exactly two in my life, as a favour to friends. That was two too many for me, but then again the dates were not about me, but helping my girlfriends get the guys they wanted. It is probably best I married young, although I did enjoy dates of my own choosing during the short time I was single.
 
The whole idea of Internet dating is alien to me. But, several of my friends have had great success with it. One of my friends, a good-looking professional met his wife online. They are happily married with two children.
 
Another friend is seriously dating the man she met online. They are both outgoing and successful. They have merged their friends and families. It all seems to have worked out effortlessly.  Another old friend now in her late seventies and a dating veteran adapted to online dating by shaving 20 years off her age. Unflappable she told me: “The men always want to date younger, so what can you do? Look at me, I am fit and youthful (she looks great). I’m not ready to date an 80-year-olds. This way I get the guys in their fifties and sixties.” When I asked her what she did when she got to know them and truth would have to come out, she shrugged elegantly and said, “At my age I’m looking for friends and good company. Most of the time we go on few dates. It‘s not an issue, and if we click it’s not a problem”.
 
I have found resilient-realists are the best Internet daters. They can take the disappointments and lying (there’s a lot of lying on the web) and bounce back until they find the good ones or the right one. Romantics don’t do as well. They can’t take all the ups and downs in stride. Romantics need to be wooed and adored. They need the spark of someone saying: "I saw you from across the room and had to know you." They need the chemistry, the wow, the ‘za za za sou’. It’s the scene you have seen many times in Sex in the City and in such movies as Sleepless in Seattle. And darlings, you may have noticed not once have I mentioned looks. Not that gorgeous, adorable, and hunky doesn’t help, but in the game of love you can’t beat charm and chemistry.
 
Experts say being a romantic, sets you up for failure. I don’t believe. It makes it harder for sure, but if you are romantic — you are aromatic. I know I am one. And you can find you mate — I did. I know many romantic men too.
 
Some of my most beautiful friends are terrible at dating. They hate it. They are romantics. (Not all beautiful women are romantics and they have an easier time.) They are fabulous at being in love; they switch on like light bulbs. But they have no interest in going out with the wrong men who assume they are high maintenance because they are so good looking. I don’t blame them. One of these beauties is now happily settled. A girl may get more dates because she is a beauty, but it doesn’t make the dating any easier.
 
As one gets older it gets harder to meet people — or so they say. Some of my older girl friends date non-stop. I think that is one reason getting re-acquainted with old friends on Facebook has been so popular with the over-40 set. As long as everyone is single, I think it is a great idea. At least you know what you are getting into and if, like my high school friends, many of you have stayed touch, you have a ready-made social group. It’s not for everyone, but it’s another option. 
 
Dating is tough at any age. You have to put yourself out there. That means you are, to some degree, vulnerable. But you can say the same thing about starting a business, a blog, or scuba diving.
 
No matter what your age, type, or looks, the best relationships are about some kind of chemistry. Not everyone likes or is capable of the dazzling repartee you hear in romantic comedies. Strong silent types want to climb a wall when faced with a chatty emotional Carrie Bradshaw-type. And while a talkative girl might salivate over a strong silent type’s physic she might soon long for some Woody Allen wit as the dessert served. Luckily, real people aren’t “types” in the strictest sense. There are plenty of wits who go the gym and fashionistas who are a little less intense than dear Carrie. 
 
Attraction is equal parts charm and chemistry. Relationships that stand the test of time are based on friendship, consideration and trust — a good dollop of chemistry.
 
 
So forgive me darlings, but I don’t trust a website where people see themselves as schmucks. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I will put my trust in that elusive element, chemistry, and a goodly amount of charm — no matter how one meets a mate: online, across a crowded room, or in butcher shop buying a single chop.
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