When is someone an “askhole”?

DSCF0136Click on top title to open  I don’t know who coined the term “askhole,” but I love it. I learned it from Carole Radziwell while watching the Real Housewives of New York. I am not much on bad language but this word, as defined by the literate scribe, is irresistible. It came up when she was discussing her dislike of a fellow cast mate “I give Aviva (Drescher) advice when she asks, none of which she takes.” Radziwell said, “My friends and I have a name for people like that. We call them ‘askholes’. You know, people who constantly ask for advice then always ignore it.”

Radziwell continued, “Aviva just doesn’t seem genuine to me. It appears as though she’s flattering me but it’s always a build-up to ‘The Ask.’

I know what she means. The techniques of askholes vary. Some use flattery while others will call for help when you are ill and under the cover of concern hit you up for something. What these people all have in common is that advice, favours, and friendship flow one way.  They only “ask” for things. There is none of the give-and-take or fun of a genuine friendship. It is draining and insulting.

Don’t get me wrong; I love to help. I believe one should give to others without expectation and with no strings attached. I know I am not alone. Most of my closest friends feel the same way. We all know the value of mentoring younger people. We are all happy to lend a hand, ear, or connection as needed. Connecting makes life richer and sweeter. What I resent is being used, or attempts to manipulate me.  I don’t know anyone who likes it.

When is someone an “askhole”? I think we all know when we have one in our life. The next step is to emulate Carole Radziwell and decline their calls.

Make time for the things you enjoy and the people you love because, my darlings, that is truly where the sweet life lies.

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