Where the boys are

Marla MartensonIf you are single or have a few single friends who are still looking, don’t skip a word of our exclusive interview with Marla Martenson. She is the author of the very funny memoir Diary of a Beverly Hill’s Matchmaker, as well as two practical guides to finding love: Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate is Waiting and Good Date, Bad Date. Marla shares her professional tips for successful dating, and finding where the boys are, at any age.


DD: How did you become a matchmaker?
MM: It was a total fluke. In 2001, a friend of my husband took over the management position at a video dating service in Los Angeles and offered me a part time job. I worked at the video dating service for a year and a half. After I left, I answered an ad in the back of a newspaper that said, "Talent Scout, Fun Job, Beverly Hills." I showed up, and to my surprise it was an upscale, Beverly Hills matchmaking service. I was hired on the spot and the rest is history.
 
DD: What are some good places to meet single men, who might actually be interested in a commitment?
MM: Single men are everywhere. Typically a bar is not a good place, but even commitment-minded people go out to bars occasionally to socialize with friends. I met my husband through a mutual friend, which I think is a great way to meet a quality person, because your friends have your best interest at heart. You can up your chances in meeting men by going to where they are, such as, the Apple Store, which is teeming with men checking out the latest Apple computers and gadgets. The dog park is always a good place to strike up a conversation, just ask what kind of breed his dog is, or how he likes that certain breed since you were thinking of getting one yourself. Or even (at) a Sunday afternoon farmer’s market in your town, you can flirt whilst squeezing the tomatoes or picking up some fresh baked goods. The bottom line is to get out there and live your life. Try new things, and you are bound to run into some interesting people — and just maybe your soul mate as well.
 
DD:  How do you know if a guy is interested or not, if you don’t have a matchmaker for feedback? Some guys send such mix singles.
MM:  When a man in interested, he will "reserve" you for himself. He will not let three weeks go by after a date before he calls you again. He wants to pin you down for the Saturday night date.  He wants to make sure that someone else does not snatch you up.
 
DD: What is the best outfit to wear on a first date? 
MM:  Men are visual; therefore they want to see what they are getting. Avoid the baggy or puffy dresses. Wear something simple, elegant, and classy that shows your figure — but not too much. If you are wearing slacks, then you can show a bit of cleavage. Or, if you are showing your legs, then cover up the top. Women in Los Angeles tend to dress like hookers on a date, showing everything but their nipples. A man will look at a woman who dresses like that and think that she will be fun for a night, but not someone to take home to mother, or introduce to his business associates. 

DD:  Who is more work in a new relationship, men or women?
MM:  A lot of men comment about women being high-maintenance.  A woman who shows a man that she is easy to be with is a turn-on to a man.

DD: Who pays on first date?
MM: I still subscribe to the old fashioned custom of the man paying for the first date. However, if the woman asks the man out, she should pay.

DD: What are classic ‘first date mistakes?’
MM: There are so many little things that a person can do on a first date to ensure that there will not be a second, so remember, you only have one chance to make a first impression. First of all, show up on time. Arriving late to a first date sends the message that you don’t care and have no respect for the other person.
 
Keep the alcohol consumption to a minimum. When tipsy, people tend to "spill their guts" and give way too much information. For example, your date does not need to know about your financial problems, tension with your ex, your horrible childhood, your fight with your mother, your creepy boss, or what medication you are on. Just talk about easy breezy subjects like what wines do you like, films you have seen, places you enjoy traveling to, etc. You want to find out if you have anything in common and enough chemistry to have a second date. Also, keep your BlackBerry or telephone in your purse. Unless you are a doctor of a parent, there is no reason to be constantly checking your phone or texting while on the date. 
 
DD:  Can you discuss the law of attraction and dating, as well as your belief in affirmations?
MM: My book Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting is all about using affirmations and the Law of Attraction to "pull in" whatever you want in your life, including your soul mate. The Law of Attraction works for health, love, career, relationships, or whatever you desire. What you think about expands. When you place your attention on something and back it with positive emotion, that is when things start to happen. I am a firm believer in affirmations and I use them myself on a daily basis. 

DD: Do you think people wait too long to marry these days?
MM: I don’t know if people wait too long to marry. Actually, I think it is wise to wait until you really know a person, and until one is mature enough to handle a marriage. 
 
DD: When should you move on in a relationship? Are there clues it is going nowhere?
MM: You should move on in a relationship if you are not happy, or if there is verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. Oftentimes we know in our hearts when a relationship is not moving in the direction we want it to, or that our partner is not committed fully, but we choose to ignore the signs because we are attached to the person or relationship. If we listen to our gut feelings and act from that place, we always know what the score is and what do to next.
 
Marla’s books can be found on www.amazon.com or www.amazon.ca
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