Mother’s Day, Sex in The City,

and The Rolling Stones

I am very excited about the Sex and the City movie. And as Mother’s Day approaches, I have been thinking about one of my favourite episodes: the one where a shaky Charlotte reassures a very pregnant Miranda that she will be a good mother. It’s very touching. Miranda reaches her epiphany while comforting Charlotte, who is weeping in the bedroom during a baby shower she is hosting for Miranda. Charlotte is having trouble coming to terms with the fact that her husband is willing to accept their infertility and a childless marriage. 

What I love most about this episode is the way the two women ‘mother’ each other. There just isn’t another word for it. Most of the time, most of us would prefer a friend to be a friend and not a mother, but sometimes we can all use a little mothering.

Lately it seems that there is a shortage of mothering where it is most needed: with the young.

First there was the brouhaha over the Lolita-like picture of tween sensation Miley Cyrus in Vanity Fair. If you haven’t heard, the million-dollar baby, also known as the outrageously popular Disney character Hanna Montana, had a bare-backed, sheet-draped, red-lipped shot taken by Annie Leibowitz, who is known for just such controversial images. There is no doubt the image is very sexy. It  reminded me of the images taken of Brooke Shields when she starred as a child prostitute in Louis Malle’s Pretty Baby, and was at the centre of a similar controversy.

The Disney company issued an apology for the Miley Cyrus pictures. According to a Disney Channel spokesperson, “a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old girl.” Subsequently Annie Leibowitz has also apologized if her portrait of the starlet was misinterpreted.

Glaringly absent in all of this have been her parents. Her father, rock singer Billy Ray Cyrus - who has also mentored her career - was in the photo shoot with her. One assumes in the case of a 15-year-old girl, her mother might also have been present, especially with a photographer known to be as edgy as Ms. Leibowitz. Where was Miley’s mother? Miley constantly talks about how close her family is, and yet through all of this controversy, not a word has been said by her mother.  Even when Miley apologized, the 15-year-old’s mom was not at her side. Strange. I have a few friends with teen-aged daughters and I can’t image they would let their children face this type of situation without their help and support. And mind you, their daughters are very intelligent, accomplished, and independent.

I think this story is a tempest in a teapot and will blow over quickly. Miley Cyrus has already been named to People Magazine’s Most Beautiful People of the Year List and the media is singing her praises.

This story is actually more interesting as part of our current zeitgeist than as a particularly incident. It’s as if this generation of young stars – including Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears, as well as Lindsay Lohan - has been cursed by bad parenting. I find it frightening to watch the Kardashian’s mother throw her girls together with Joe “Girls Gone Wild” Francis, an unsavory and unapologetic exploiter of women. The list of irresponsible Hollywood guardians goes on and on. Mrs. Lohan, the mother who likes to dress like and club with her young daughters, has a new reality show co-starring Lindsay’s younger sister.  Happy Mother’s day.

In the wake of the Miley Cyrus photo controversy, many asked if the photos made her a bad role model for young girls. I find the question naïve. Granted there are many little girls who look up to her. But will the children who watch Hanna Montana really go out and buy Vanity Fair? Maybe, but real dangers lurk much closer to home and at school on MySpace.

The news that sent me reeling was the attack on Victoria Lindsay in Florida on March 30. The young student was lured to a friend's house and knocked out by being slammed repeatedly against a wall. Then her six girl attackers allegedly beat her again when she regained consciousness. The girls reportedly showed no remorse after they were arrested; they even allegedly joked about attending cheerleading practice the next day. It has also been reported the girls who taped the incident intended to post the video on YouTube.

This is by no means the first story of this kind. There have been other similar and shocking stories. In 1997, the swarming and beating death of young Reena Virk in British Columbia stunned Canadians. In 2003, Chicago TV reporter Anna Davlantes, broke news of violent and shocking teen hazing ritual carried out by girls on the high school “powder-puff” softball teamin Northbrook, Illinois. Two of the hazing victims ended up in the hospital. Some other boys and girls who witnessed the supposed annual event did nothing to stop it.

Legal actions and expulsions shook the middle-class community of Northbrook following Ms. Davlantes expose. If a TV reporter could find out about these hideous goings-on, is it possible that no parents or teachers heard even a whisper? I don’t buy it. Remember, this had gone on for a years. It was also shocking to hear that some parents actually threw a prom for their expelled daughters.

These stories beg many questions. Why are girls beating each other up and engaging in cyber-bulling so vicious that other children take their lives? Darlings, who is mothering these children? Who is creating these monsters? These are not isolated incidents. This disturbing behavior is popping up even in very nice neighborhoods. What is driving these girls?

I worry for all my single readers, as this increased female violence is not restricted to adolescent girls. There’s even a popular reality show called Bad Girls that stars rather vicious and frightening young women who have all had trouble with the law. None of them seems to have had a nurturing maternal relationship. Being in a crowded club at the wrong time - even a nice one - can now result in an unpredictable and unprovoked violent confrontation. It seems hair-trigger tempers are becoming a normal hazard.

I have no children of my own, but I have observed that my friends who have close, warm relationships with daughters are able to lead them through the minefields of youth. They are there to give wise counsel, help them avoid any disasters, and mop up tears. Actually, life today is so scary, I find that my friend’s children listen closely to council if it is not overbearing or intrusive. No one can prevent all their mistakes or save anyone the pain of growing up, but who would want to?

When I was young, it was much the same. I had friends whose mothers had the gift. They knew how to stand back and when to jump in. They had savvy, wisdom, and compassion. Make no mistake, they weren’t “girlfriend” moms - no one needs that or wants it. They were moms, even the ones who looked hot. 

Not everyone gets the mother they need. Some people are unlucky and get born into a bad fit. Others lose their mothers too young. Many of us are at an age where we will begin to lose parents and it can be very hard to reach out for your mother and she isn’t there.

Darlings, whatever your situation this Mother’ Day, embrace it and cherish yourself. If you have a great mother celebrate her. If you have a great daughter rejoice. If you have both, hug yourself with both arms!  If you have lost your mother and she was wonderful remember her. 

If you have lost your mother or are stuck in a bad fit, look for the mothering you crave elsewhere. I have gained so much from the older women in my life who have loved and mentored me. In turn, some of my best relationships have come from mentoring young women over the years. Actually you can mother anyone who needs it. It’s just a matter of being there when needed with an open heart and pair of arms.

You may be surprised at how easy it is to find the mothering you need, if you open yourself up to it.  Sometimes I think we miss wonderful things because we can only see them one way. We mourn and long for things because we don’t see what we have. The Rolling Stones were so wise. We can’t always get what we (think) we want, but we can indeed get what we need - if we try.

I hope some brilliant scientist will unravel what has gone wrong with these violent young women and determine what makes them want to beat and hurt others. I have no patience with excuses for their behavior. Yet my rational mind suspects that they long and mourn for some kind of mothering.

Our intimate chat

with Karina Smirnoff

of Dancing with the Stars

Find out just how demanding it is to dance like a star, how Karina Smirnoff keeps fit, and what she thinks about the show in this exclusive interview. Karina is a very accomplished woman. Born in Ukraine of a Russian mother and a Greek father, Karina studied many different artistic and athletic disciplines. She also obtained a degree from Fordham University.

She is a five-time U.S. National champion ballroom dancer and holds numerous international titles as well. She had a small role in the Hanna Montana episode Everyone was Best Friend Fighting and in the movie Shall We Dance, which starred Richard Gere. And she is, of course, currently competing on Dancing with the Stars as the partner of R&B singer Mario.

DD: What is your normal fitness routine?

KS: When I am not working on the show, I like to go to the gym for a couple of hours. I do a little cardio and some light weights. I also do a lot of forward lunges because that is the most important thing for dancing.

DD: Does it change during Dancing with the Stars?

KS: When I am doing the show I don’t have to go the gym at all. We dance for 10 hours a day and that is enough. I just focus on trying to eat healthy. I don't like to eat anything heavy like beef or pork. I love sushi. Fish is the best.

DD: Do non-dancers underestimate the demands of ballroom dancing?

KS: None of the celebrities know what they are getting into when they agree to the show. They have no idea how difficult it will be. There are injuries; Marie Osmond fainted and Cristian de la Fuente hurt his arm.

DD: Do you have to help your co-stars get in shape for the dancing?

KS: Well you have to gauge what you do depending on their age and what shape they are in. Steve Guttenberg is 49, but he was in very good shape. But Shannon (Elizabeth) was not in shape and she was often out of breath. You would hear her breathing. It really depends on the person.

DD: Where did you study dance?

KS : I was born in the Ukraine. My mother is Russian. Then we moved to Moscow. I am an only child, actually the only child in the whole family. I have no cousins either, so everyone had an idea of what I should do. When I was five, I studied figure skating. My father wanted me to study ballet. I also studied the piano. And I also did gymnastics. It was not bad for me because I think I have a little ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). 

My teachers were very good. I think the best teachers don’t teach everyone the same way. They find the best approach for each student and they never stop until you get it.

DD: What is your beauty routine?

KS: Sleep. If I can get nine hours of sleep, I look and feel my best.

DD: Do you have any favorite products to pamper your self with?

KS: I like products by Sonya Dakar. Her products are very light and not oily on your skin. You know, that can be a problem with some good moisturizers. They get too heavy, but hers are very light.

DD: What beauty tricks have you learned from the show?

KS: I always watch the make-up artists and how they line our eyes. Then I practice at home.

DD: Do you have to diet?

KS: Not really, but if I feel I need to lose a few pounds, I hit the gym and watch what I eat.

DD: What has been the biggest surprise doing the show?

KS: How big it got. But I think that when celebrities show themselves as vulnerable and willing to take very harsh criticism, it is very real for people and they like it. It shows a very appealing side of celebrity. It is a great way for some to revive their career and to be seen. I also think people like it because it is a real family show. They like that they can watch it with their children.

Lately there has been more of an emphasis on having “couples” on the show. Edyta says that lately the show has been more like Dating with the Stars. And if you aren’t a couple, it’s as if you aren’t doing your job. And it is complicated because there is always chemistry in dancing. We have to create chemistry. You need to tell the story between a man and women and create the chemistry. And it’s flattering that we act so well that they always want to believe it. I think it will be better if we stay a family show.

DD: Do you have any special projects planned after Dancing with the Stars?

KS: I’d love to get more into acting. And as soon as the show finishes I am going to take more acting classes. Right now I am shooting a DVD for children with a friend. It’s a dance DVD to get children into movement. Obesity is a big problem with young children. This DVD is to get them used to moving in a co-coordinated way. We made it for parents, who may not have time to take the kids to a dance class. So if you are cooking breakfast on Saturday morning you can just put it on and get the kids moving. I am so excited about the show.  I hope people will vote for us –we are so close.

Karina is on Dancing with the Stars Monday and Tuesday nights which can be seen on ABC and CTV.

This issue: Don’t miss our

two great DolceDolce giveaways!

We have two - yes two - great giveaways this issue. You could win some terrific products from the French spa-based beauty line Sothys, and a gift certificate from the fab New York restaurant, Bruno Jamais. Keep reading for details below.

A low-maintenance

high-wattage smile

Do you long for dazzling, movie-star white teeth but can’t  remember to use your white strips every night? Are you worried that if you use a whitening toothpaste, you are trading off the benefits of a more healthful cavity- and plaque-fighting brand?

Then new Crest Radiance and Health is for you. The system consists of fluoride toothpaste to strengthen your teeth daily, as well as four Crest Deep Clean strips to use weekly to safely whiten your teeth.  Now there is a simple, easy, fast and affordable way to healthy white, smile -- how fabulous is that?

www.elizabethgrant.com

Heavenly hands

and flawless fingers

Gorgeous groomed hands are not out of your grasp. All you have to do is know a few of the basics. The key to good cuticles is as simple as cuticle cream or oil. Keep cuticles moisturized and they won’t look ragged and your nails will grow strong.  Elizabeth Grant’s Torricelumn Beautiful Colours Cuticle Oil has a great combination of protein and essential oils that work wonders for dry and cracked skin. 

If you have extremely problematic cuticles or splitting nails make an appointment with a dermatologist or ask your family doctor to prescribe a cream of two percent salicylic acid in Vaseline, or try using Theraplex FT, a thick, rich balm containing salicylic acid which helps splitting nails and dry cuticles. Apply at night.

If your nails are thick, curved, yellow or discoloured, see a doctor immediately. You may have nail fungus. It is something of an epidemic now and can be disfiguring. Your doctor can cure it with medication but don’t wait; the longer you have it the harder it is to vanquish.

One for the road

Don’t forget to load up your car with sunscreen and a pair or two of good shades. This is why. Remember the saying: ‘hands give away a lady’s age’? Well, a lot of damage is done to hands while driving. The sun beats down on your hands and arms, even through a glass windshield. It can cause hideous photo aging, nasty age spots, and possibly skin cancer. Use hand creams with sun screen or sun block every time you drive. I prefer the heavy artillery. Double up when you buy your usual block and dump a tube in door caddy!

www.chanel.com www.oakley.com

Eyes take a beating too. You run the risk of everything from courting crow’s feet to more serious sun damage. So, get some shades. The ones you see here are chic and safe. Oakley’s  new line of high-style sunglasses are elegantly cool, super light-weight and available with prescription lenses. Sexy shades from perennially chic Chanel are a fashion investment that are healthful and beautiful.

www.hollybeth.net

Be sure to wear

some flowers in your hair

If your mama was a hippy dippy girl back in the day, she probably loved green organic products before they were trendy. HollyBeth is the perfect line for all generations of women who want a natural organic approach to beauty. HollyBeth  has been inspired by the homeopathic remedies the owner HollyBeth Anderson encountered in her travels. Her products use pure natural ingredients and essential oils, and are chemical free.  

HollyBeth Rose and Geranium Face Creamis a light balm with rose oil and Vitamin E oil. It smells delicious and is good for the most sensitive skin. The HollyBeth Marigold and Sweet Basil cream with shea butter is a relaxing spa experience for mind and body.

Best of all, the products are reasonably priced, making all this luxury so very affordable. Order for Mother’s Day and get free shipping. How fabulous is that? 

www.sothys-usa.com

The eyes have it

Every one has issues - especially beauty issues. If eye products are your beauty fetish, Sothys may be your new favourite beauty indulgence.  In true French fashion, the 60-year-old spa-based beauty line takes a serious scientific approach to pampering. Their spa in New York City offers top-of-the-line anti-aging and slimming treatments, and the skin care line targets different issues with precision. Three products work together to tone, tighten, and refresh eyes.

Sothys Active-Contour Tensor Gel is a treatment to soothe congested eyelids and smooth the eye contour, and leave you with a tense and radiant look. Sothys Active-Contour Hydra-Cream is an intensive cream with high tech active ingredients and plant and vegetable extracts to revitalize and remodel your skin and minimize under-eye shadows and wrinkles. Sothys Active-Contour Destressing Mask helps remove bags under the eyes, with cornflower, chamomile, witch hazel and sage. Together they are a mini spa at home.

A DolceDolce Give-away!

Some great Sothys products!

Try Sothy’s gorgeous eye products yourself . We’ll give away a package of their products, valued at $114, to the first U.S and Canadian readers who emails me the words Happy Mothers Day- Sothys. Send your entry to domore @dolcedolce.com. Remember, we have one prize for the U.S. and one for Canada.

Dine with the Star

 in the Big Apple

Celebrity diners at Bruno Jamais restaurant in New York have included Chazz Palminteri, Cindy Adams, Chris Noth, Gary Shandling, Robin Givens, Chaka Khan, Carol Alt, Joan Rivers, Kim Cattral, and even former President Bill Clinton. The posh crowd comes for the fine French ambience, award wining design, French and Asian food, magnificent wine cellar, and - of course - the "The Platinum Bruno Martini" that sells for $38.  

Another DolceDolce Give-away!

Dine at Bruno Jamais in New York!

If Bruno Jamais sounds like your kind of boite, we have a $50 gift certificate just for you. We will give a prize to the first one who emails the words Happy Mother’s Day-Bruno Jamais to domore @dolcedolce.comdomore @dolcedolce.com. Remember, we have one prize for the U.S. and one for Canada.

Celebrate Mother’s Day

with easy elegance

There is nothing like easy elegance to celebrate a family holiday. No one wants to be stuck in the kitchen fussing with overly fancy food and drinks, when there are better things to do. Midori Margaritas are a slightly off-beat crowd-pleaser. They go perfectly with our classic cheese and bread suggestion. I love to make this hors d’oeuvre with a creamy French or California goat cheese and a spicy clover honey. Remember, you can’t improve on the best ingredients served simply.

Midori Margarita

1 ½ ounce Midori liqueur

1 ½ ounces of tequila

Juices from 2 fresh limes and the zest from 1 lime

1tsp. of caster (very fine) sugar

Shake over ice and serve over ice

Rub the glass rims with lime and dip in caster sugar or salt

For a crowd multiply everything by 6 or 8 and make it in a pitcher over ice.

The simplest hors d’oeuvre ever

1 fresh baguette, sliced

1 log of your favourite goat cheese, at room temperature

Very good honey 

Very good olive oil

Top the baguette generously with goat cheese and drizzle with honey and olive oil.

Serve with a selection of good olives.

So darlings, have a lovely Mother’s Day. As a woman, you are a mother, a daughter, or both, so make the most of it. As The Rolling Stones say, I believe we can all get what we need. Take time to enjoy the ones you love and celebrate even the small joys of life. A day without a little celebration is a missed opportunity.