I remember when a scandal was something to be ashamed of and to apologize for - not a way to jump-start your career. Now I really have to wonder what we really stand for as modern women, what we value, and what we reward. Frankly darlings, I’m confused.

I’m all for personal freedom. I’m glad the days of Hester Prynne's Scarlet Letter, backstreet abortions, and other legacies of our punitive Puritanical past are gone forever. But some days I wonder whether we’ve gone too far in the other direction. Is there no happy medium between an ‘anything goes, no moral compass’ mentality and the far-right moral majority?

Just this week I’ve watched another actress from the past fan the flames of her comeback with yet another scandal-filled tell-all book. It seems that the seemingly wholesome Valerie Bertinelli - the latest Jenny Craig weight-loss idol -- has a hot-hot past. She tells of: a lesbian kiss, martial infidelity, teen-age lust, and a whole laundry list of indiscretions. She has confessed to Oprah, The View and almost anyone else with a microphone who will listen.

Aside from a need to be before the cameras once more and to sell books, I didn't hear a single compelling reason for her confession. I listened because we live in a celebrity driven culture. No one can deny. I am trying to understand what drives our fascination, all these louche ladies on the scene.

I want to know why we reward this not-so fabulous behavior, because there is a difference between not condemning people and rewarding them with TV shows, book sales, and the like.

It seems the easiest way lately to get a TV show or grab a headline is to make a sex tape a la Paris Hilton a few years ago or more recently, Kim Kardasian. Granted, both girls are already well-off, well-connected, and knew how to work “the scandal”. But it seems if you are cute enough and willing to apply yourself, getting naked on the Internet can be a ticket to “stardom”, even for a new immigrant. Tila Tequila, a naked Internet pin-up, is an enterprising girl who netted her own show on MTV as a result of her creative over-exposure. 

I assure you I am far from prim, naïve, or prudish, but I question why we are so fascinated and manipulated by such sad and tacky behavior. I admire the drive and the business sense, but I don’t admire the sex tapes, the drunk driving, and arrogance followed by the seemingly oh-so temporary remorse.

I adore beauty, so I understand the attraction to it. I understand frailty and I feel for it. I see the behavior of Amy Winehouse, Lindsay Lohen, and Britney Spears in a totally different light. I find it poignant that Lindsay remade Marilyn’s final photo shoot. I hope that they all get some help and live long and happy lives.

I wonder why we have this fascination with confessions that are not so fascinating or original - just sad. What compels beautiful young women to be photographed without their underpants in public by paparazzi? It seems a bit common and cheap. Why do these women do this? Are they crazy, desperate for attention, or just contemptuous of everyone? If they’d like to show their glory to the world, why not call Mr. Hefner and get paid for it? After all, Playboy makes everyone look so nice with that good lighting and lovely settings. Kim Kardasian actually did a shoot for Playboy, which is definitely a step up from a sex tape.  

No, my darlings, there is something strange driving all of these crazy exhibitions and the how the world responds to it. There is something decidedly off in a world where Mama Kardasian sees nothing wrong with a friendship with Joe Francis -- the man that made his fortune from Girls Gone Wild, a video series that exploited foolish and drunken college girls in the most despicable way.

I adore that we live in a time when women can be bright and beautiful. I relish in the fact that we can be sexy and smart. I think of all the great role models out there: women such as Goldie Hawn who is gorgeous and has her own successful production company. Some may laugh, but Martha Stewart was quite a dish. She was a leggy blonde who modeled to pay her college tuition. She then sold bonds dressed in hot pants in her trader days. Trya Banks and Heidi Klum are just two of the super model moguls. I could write a book, and maybe I should, about all the smart, sexy women who made fortunes without comprising a whit of their charm or sex appeal in the process.

But darlings, all these ladies made it big looking hot and thinking cool and they kept their knickers on in public. I don’t want to pillory someone if they had a bad break in love, or even three or four bad romances. Some girls are unlucky in love, and I don't want to judge. But I worry when a career can be made on sex tape or revived with a tell-all. My mind reels at the public urge to blurt. What of privacy and dignity? Have no they value in this zeitgeist of instant and fleeting media attention?

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good memoir. I love to learn from the lives of accomplished women. I have learned a lot that way. I relish the details and the workings of their minds and hearts. But for me, the best memoirs are like the one Barbara Walters is writing, after a long career. Now here is a woman who has met everyone; I want to hear what she has to say, every little word.

I wish Valerie Bertinelli well. I am pretty sure she will do okay, but I am not sure what you do after a tell-all book. I shudder to think about it. There is a lot to be said for fixing what you don’t like about your own behaviour and just getting on with your life privately - even if you are a public person. I can’t imagine how books like this affect the “confessor’s” family and friends. It must be ghastly, especially if there isn’t really a point to it - not like a book on molestation, abuse, or something meant to shine a light or help others.

And as for Paris, I sense a streak of the entrepreneur in her that I quite admire. If she could settle down to business, keep her panties on, abstain from drunk driving, and watch her language, she might turn into a real talent. I'd like to see her class up her act to live up to the potential her looks promise. The same could be said for her sharp little partner in crime, Nicole Richie. Call me old-fashioned, but doesn’t it take more than a pretty face and talent for trouble to go the distance?

Andy Warhol predicted everyone would have 15 minutes of fame. It seems he may not have been far off. My husband jokes that these days, it’s down to 15 seconds. I suggest that whether you aim for 15 decades, years, minutes, or seconds of fame, it’s best to keep your knickers on public – unless you plan to be the next Lady Godiva. But remember darlings, she was just a pretty myth who ended up on a box of chocolates

DD: Can women truly afford to opt out today? Besides the money, can anyone count on being married forever?

WW: Yes, they can. That is not to say that they should, but that for women in families that can afford to live on one income, staying home is still an option. After giving up my career to stay home with my three children, and after ending that time with a failed marriage, I can tell you all of the pitfalls that staying home entails. These have been discussed again and again by the “back to work” advocates, and everything they say is right on the mark. Women who stay home face economic consequences if their marriages fail. Alimony and child support can easily fall below what is needed to continue staying home, and yet the job options for stay-home moms can be dismal. The longer we stay out of the work force, the further behind we are in terms of training, skill, and the way we are perceived by our peers. Opt-out moms can also suffer from a loss of self-esteem, which can make surviving a later divorce and re-entry into the workforce extremely difficult. All that said, I would not rewrite my own history. I loved being home with my kids (though I did need to write as well) and even though I have to rebuild a career before my alimony runs out, I would not trade those years with my kids. Bottom line – nothing is certain in life. We all have to look at our lives and the structures we have built around them, weigh the risks and jump in.

DD: Can women stand to stay home if they formerly had high prestige careers?

WW: Every woman is different, but I can tell you this. I have been a stay-home mom in a community of former-professionals-turned-stay-home-moms and all of us wind up in the same basic dilemma. We were educated and trained to perform, and that never goes away. Instead, we put that energy into what I call perfecting motherhood. From our kids to our houses to community and school volunteer work, we are all drawn into the never-ending cycle of pursuing perfection. And yet, with kids and houses, the job can never be done. The child who shared his toys today might very well throw sand tomorrow. The kitchen drawer we organized will be a mess after the weekend. This can lead women down a path of constant dissatisfaction and even depression. It is a problem that has been around since the early 1960s when Betty Friedan first wrote about “the problem that has no name” in her groundbreaking work, The Feminine Mystique. And that is why you can go into any Starbucks, clothing boutique or nail salon in my town and hear a conversation about the need to have something else – some other aspect of life where this energy can be directed. Children will never be perfect and there will always be crumbs under the toaster.

DD: Can women give up their friends and work-world lifestyle to be stay-home moms?

WW: Of course – women can do anything! They just can’t do everything. There are many things that are lost when women stay home with their kids. Friends and the other social aspects of the working world are just a couple of them. I have heard many moms speak nostalgically about putting on a suit, getting a cup of coffee and feeling the satisfaction of finishing the morning’s tasks, or attending a meeting where their ideas were heard. They talk about the longing they have for an “adult” conversation and interaction with people who know what’s going on in the world. I also hear this from my working mom friends, who will secretly admit that after a weekend with the kids, they look forward to the relative peacefulness of the office. We try to compensate with playgroups and moms night out, but it is never the same as being at work. The conversation always gravitates towards kids, houses and husbands. Even so, I have created friendships in this stay-home-mommy life that cannot be replaced. There is a solidarity that exists among us, simply because we are walking the same path of life, and because we know what each other’s lives look and feel like. This is a powerful thing.

DD: Why does the grass look greener on the employed side of the fence these days, besides the money?

WW: There has been a lot of discourse in the past few years urging women to get back to work. This has had an impact in the media and it is suddenly okay to be the frazzled but powerhouse do-it-all woman like the characters in Lipstick Jungle. That said, the trend to get back to work hasn’t touched the community I live in. There is still an enormous amount of pressure to stay home, not just from husbands whose jobs are 24/7. But from the community at large which is set up with the presumption that a mom will be at home. From schools to sports teams to kids activities – everything is structured around the one-job family model that has been around forever.

DD: Can any but the top five percent of families really afford to be one income families?

WW: Not these days. The current discussions on this topic indicate that this idea of “opting out” by choice is not as available as it has been in the past two decades. Middle income families often do not have this luxury, and the growing acceptance of childcare and working moms has made it less stigmatizing for women to work rather than stay home and sacrifice a better lifestyle for their children. The fictitious town in Four Wives is based on the area where I live, and this area is one dominated by the highest paying jobs in the world. It is these jobs that make the one job family almost a necessity as the primary wage earner works hours that do not accommodate sharing the domestic work. And given the exorbitant salaries of this primary job, the second job becomes irrelevant. This is where the opt-out debate becomes about choice. But for the vast majority of women, this is not the case.

DD: How can an everyday woman opt-back in with a job that suits her lifestyle?

WW: That’s a tough one. The feedback from woman who are opting back in with flex-time or part-time corporate jobs are reporting that these jobs are career dead-ends. But that doesn’t mean they can’t serve the purpose of bringing in some money and providing an outlet for talent and energy that so many stay-home moms crave. The trouble arises when that part-time job in reality demands full-time hours in while still paying only part-time wages. Having worked as an investment banker and as a lawyer, I can tell you first hand that these jobs are very hard to do on a scaled back level. A deal won’t wait, neither will a trial. And client driven businesses have to stay competitive. Finding a job that suits a mom’s lifestyle is still very difficult.

DD: What stay-at-home job options are available for women today?

WW: I see a lot of women working in shops, becoming decorators or consultants for beauty products, and starting their own small businesses. Some of them have been very creative and can now make money from home while their kids are at school. This is really what moms seem to be after – a way to work on their own terms so they can utilize the times they have without giving up the flexibility to be there for their children. For me, it turned out to be writing, which is a fabulous job with kids. Many “mompreneurs” were born from this niche in our economy that has yet to be filled. There are many talented women with time on their hands. They just need for that time to be on their own terms, and that is the crux of the problem. Our economy is just not set up for this.

DD: Why are companies recruiting stay home moms?

WW: I think companies are recognizing that there is a huge amount of talent and resources being wasted because they haven’t been willing to alter their policies. Many women work for years after college and their companies invest in their training. The cost of starting over with a young college grad might very well be exceeding the cost of providing better hours and family policies to lure back the women they have already trained. I have been in volunteer meetings with women who are so smart and so efficient that it seems preposterous for them not to be utilized for the greater good. Perhaps companies are changing their views on the value women have in the work force, even if they have spent the past ten years changing diapers and driving a minivan. I hope so!

For more about Wendy or Four Wives check  www.wendywalkerbooks.com

New DolceDolce give-away contest:

Who wears short short shorts?

Spring break and beautiful bare legs are just around the corner. We love the new Nair products and were thrilled when they said we had two wonderful gifts to share with you. Nair makes smooth legs so simple with their no-muss, no sting, and no pain approach to baby smooth legs. Anne Gravel who won’t put up with any ouches in her beauty routine sat down with the Nair girls a few weeks ago and gave the new line her okay. For more info: www.naircare.com / www.naircare.ca 

www.karinpacione.com

The Nair Summer Give-Away is worth a posh $50. We have one to give away to someone in the U.S. and one for Canada. It includes: A pair of sunglasses, Lip gloss with SPF, Nair Soothing Wax Strips, Nair Shower Power, Nair Pretty, flip-flops, Beachy fragrance. It’s everything a girl needs to be beach-beauty ready. To win be the first beach beauty in each country to email domore@dolcedolce.com the phrase: Who wears short short shorts?

Step into The Healing Garden

It’s a line of well-priced aromatherapy products chock full of essential oils and vitamins. It has body wash, mineral soaks, body scrubs, and whipped body lotions as well as body mists. I usually find most lotions are not rich enough for my taste, especially in winter, but I was pleasantly surprised by The HealingGarden.

Most of the products are around $7.49 and sold in mass market stores. I tried the Uplifting Jasmine and it was delicious. There is a wide range of scents including: Calming Lavender, Sensual Plumand Soothing White Tea. These products are definitely a boon to the bombshell on a budget.  

Beauty 101

When it comes to clear glowing skin, water is a girl’s best friend. It clears your skin and moisturizes from the inside out. It makes all the wonderful things you put in your body work better. Now, Vicks - the cold medicine people - has solved the problem with the Germ-Free Warm Mist Humidifier.

It has two huge tanks and makes no weird mess inside the machine or on the furniture. It gives off a warm, germ-free mist to keep your beautiful skin and other parts beautifully moist and problem-free. The machine emits a white noise when it’s turned on that may or may not bother some people. Menthol scents by Vicks can also be added to the stream when you are congested - heaven!

DolceDolce Tip: Do not visit public steam rooms at spas, no matter how posh during the cold and flu season. That is, unless you want to get sick. Cold and flu germs are airborne and this is the ideal environment for them to exist and to travel to you. Do not listen to the spa managers; they want you there. The steam does not kill the germs - it can’t - and this is not a good place to be.

Beautiful bosoms

As everyone knows, French women have beauty secrets. It’s their culture. They have beauty institutes and regimes and sometimes we like to try a little of what works so well for them. Mais, quoi? Body products to diminish and tone are definitely a French creation, and Biotherm's Body Sculpt line is one of the most established and popular. The Body Resculpt Bust ultra-tenseur is designed to tone your bust of course. You stroke on the pleasantly scented gel and follow the advice by doing the simple toning exercise. It’s similar to one you learned in gym class. Does it work? It will depend on your expectations. The skin will look great: moisturized and taut. The exercise can’t hurt. Do it nightly and you will definitely see an improvement. However if you want to go from an A cup to playboy bunny cleavage you will be grievously disappointed. But part of the French mystique is that they are very good at making the most of their own unique beauty. What a fabulous idea - cherishing and pampering what you have, and going with it!

Two quick ways to look fabulous

and fresh now!

When I feel that winter will never end, one way I pick myself up and feel instantly fresh is by jumping the trends. I hop right into the next season and give myself a hit of what is new and happening. It works like charm. Here are three of my favourite trends to jump now!

Dig out your glitziest pashminas - the ones in the richest colours with gold and silver embroidery. Dress up an ordinary skirt, pants and top combo in an instant. Give yourself a hit of colour and flair!

Coral is the new red; it goes with all the new spring florals. Get a great coral lipstick to brighten your face. Everyone can wear coral. Look for a peachy one or pinky one to match your skin tone. Or, get a pretty pink and look like a flower yourself. It’s an instant lift. Chanel, Dior, and Cover Girl all have great ones.

Covergirl Trucheeks

Or try a fresh pop of colour on your cheeks. Any make-up artist will tell you many don't women wear enough blush. Put it on the apples of your checks and blend. This spring, the message in fashion and faces is all about pretty colour.

My own master cleanse

This is the time of year many of us feel a bit heavy or stogy. We feel a few pounds heavier or actually are. It’s the winter, and the urge to hibernate and eat delicious comforting things. Alas, it’s also depressing; with spring break on the horizon and spring fashion to look forward to, what’s a woman to do? Well everyone knows that Beyonce lost her extra weight on the Master Cleanse diet. The regime consists of lemon, maple syrup, and red pepper in water - and not much else. There is another version which uses cider vinegar, honey, and red pepper. Both of these diets have been around since I was a teenager. What I never imagined is that I'd find them selling on the Internet for up to $45. Growing up on this is the type of thing we learned at the pools or tennis clubs, listening to the local moms as they discussed their own theories of survival of the fittest and thinnest.

I know this is controversial, but I have never considered a little crash dieting as a bad thing. The operative word is ‘little’. It can give you the motivation and kick-start to get back on your healthy eating. My poor stomach and head won’t tolerate Master Cleanse; it’s too harsh from me. Here is my own recipe for when I do my favorite “crashes”. I like the Mayo clinic egg diet. Sometimes I do a really stripped down Atkins for a week or two. With daily exercise, it works like a charm for me. I have consulted my doctor and trainer, so if you are going to try a crash darlings, you do the same. There’s no magic in it, it’s what pricey diet doctors charge a fortune for, and it works. This is what I sip between meals at about 20 calories a cup to fill me up and keep me healthy. It’s also delicious.

2 cups of low fat, low –sodium chicken or vegetable stock (I always use the chicken)

1 inch of fresh ginger grated

1 stalk of fresh celery sliced

2 green onions sliced

Bring to boil. Shut off and drink hot. This 2 makes severing.

The ginger is good for your immune system and digestion, and the vegetables give you something harmless to chew. Ginger is best, but if you loathe it you can use a clove or two of garlic. Sometimes I also add a dash of balsamic vinegar or Chinese black vinegar.

If you feel peppy and thin, good for you. If you are like me and prone to a case of end of winter doldrums why not try something to perk yourself up. You will feel so much lighter a pound or two thinner. It’s amazing how your energy can soar even after a week on a new exercise regime. Try making a bi-weekly walk date with a friend, going on a mini diet blitz, or trying out a new lip colour are all simple. None of this is new or complicated but that is the beauty of it; life’s sweet little pleasures are often easy and accessible if we make time for them. 

Until then darlings, if it suits you, go out and dazzle the world. Be a star, sparkle plenty. But take my advice when you are out there: keep your knickers on.  Until next week, please sign-up  if you haven’t – DolceDolce is free. And forward t us on to all your friends. Because life should be sweet.