Do you really

ever have to be a ‘B’?

How do you handle a bitch? I considered getting cute and writing  _itch or witch. I’m not big on cursing, but as I doubt we have any small children who will happen upon this site, I decided on “bitch”. There is no other word that quite describes it. The dictionary defines it as a bad tempered woman. I think we all know when we meet one, and I for one just don’t get them at all.

Some women jump to defend this behavior. They claim women are called “bitches” for doing the things that successful men do without criticism or commendation. These paragons of feminism go on to say if a women stands up for her rights, demands a high level of perfectionism, or takes charge, she’ll be called a “bitch”. I have no doubt that is occasionally true.

Recently some have hung the mantle on Hilary Clinton, and they seem to be warming-up to sling it at Michelle Obama. But smart people, both men and women, know it takes more than being called a name to make you a bitch.

To my mind, bitchiness is nothing we want to defend, encounter, or embrace. It’s a low form of behavior in women and just as tacky in men. And make no mistake, men can be as bitchy as women - and not just gay men either. For me, the B word connotes behavior that is gratuitously mean and petty, designed to demean others. Some may use it to get ahead at work, others to get ahead in love, and still others to make themselves feel superior. I think it gets them nowhere fast, although if these nasty individuals are also ambitious, hard working, and talented, they may get somewhere, in spite of it. The most positive thing I can say about bitches is that I think there are fewer of them today.

Bitches kill your soul. They get close to you if they need something and then, wham, they will put you down or sabotage you. They can’t help it; it’s their nature. Some misguided people will tell you bitches are just insecure or unhappy and can’t help their nasty behavior - as if you should care. Don’t listen. Get away from them, fast. While you are being sweet and empathetic, they will push you under a bus, metaphorically speaking.  Don’t fight, don’t wrangle. Be sweet; be smart. Stay one step ahead of these creatures and get away from them. There is an old saying, “When you wrestle with a pig in mud, you just get dirty and the pig enjoys it.”  That’s what happens if you try to engage bitches.

As for those difficult women you meet in casual social encounters, I say kill them with kindness.  Why let a negative person rob you of your sweet disposition? Many tired and harried people relax and blossom under the influence of charm and a smile. Those who don't are driven mad by the sight of genuinely happy, serene people. I figure either way we win and our blood pressure stays down.  Besides it’s fun. Oh, and cultivating a good sense of humour helps too. A woman with a good sense of humour can handle anything, especially a bitch. I find I can laugh most things off these days, but when I can’t, I know my wit can be counted on to defuse, defend, or do a little damage.

I don’t get the attraction of being a bitch. Some women have told me it’s about power, but I don’t think so. Claire Booth Luce was famous as a bitch and as for writing about them. She wrote the play The Women, about divorce, adultery, gossip, and bitchery. It was later made into a movie starring the powerful Hollywood divas Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, Rosalind Russell. The stories about the making of the movie are almost as good as the film itself.

Clare Boothe Luce rose to the top the hard way. She was an illegitimate child when that sort of thing mattered. A beauty, she married a rich drunk who was listed in the social register. He then beat her for years. She had one daughter with him. She finally was able to obtain a divorce and a generous financial settlement when his mother became convinced he would actually kill her. She forced her way into Vanity Fair magazine as a writer. She finagled her way in society and eventually married Henry Luce, the millionaire publisher and creator of Life magazine. She was an accomplished writer and journalist. She also won a Republican congressional seat and was ultimately named U.S. Ambassador to Italy. She is credited with the aphorism “no good deed goes unpunished.”

I think it is telling that this powerful “bitch’ woman married her way to the top, but also wrote a play where the main character’s lesson was to go back to her husband. That’s the conclusion of “The Women”, even though he had cheated on her with a shop girl and publicly humiliated her. Some may say it was the times she lived in, but in the end her bitchery just seemed to dig her deeper.

Scarlett O’Hara is another legendary and widely admired B. Granted, ladies like her make for a great drama, but would you really want to know one. Scarlett went after her best friend’s and sister’s men with all the morality and efficacy of a Tomahawk missile.

She was an indifferent mother and a careless wife. I think she appeals only because Vivien Leigh - who portrayed the character in the film Gone with the Wind - is gorgeous. Every woman wants Rhett Butler, and we all want to be bad - sometimes. But if Melanie had been a knockout - let’s say she has been played by someone like Scarlett Johansson or Nicole Kidman - how many of you would want to be Melanie?

Rhett admired her. In modern times, he may have dumped selfish Scarlett and made straight for the widow. Bitches don’t appeal to anyone close up and personal. That’s why, in my opinion, sequels to Gone with the Wind don’t work. After a man’s had Miss Scarlett, he’s had enough. Tantrums and conniving get old fast.

Clare Boothe Luce paid through the nose for her power. She was beaten daily by her first husband for years. She was witty and accomplished, but her wit had a bitter edge to it. So did her advice to her assistant, Leticia Baldridge. One Christmas, as Luce gave Baldridge some long-coveted diamond earrings, she said “now you have your diamonds, and won’t need to marry for money”. She added that it was good a thing, as “you aren’t tough enough.” 

Many unhappy and misunderstood women have worn the bitch mantle. The bitter rivals and studio queens Joan Crawford and Bette Davis come to mind. Equally big stars such as Jennifer Jones, Kate Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn and countless others had huge careers and avoided the label. Literary lionesses Lillian Hellman and Mary McCarthy were legendary for their bitchiness - especially to each other.

Barbara Walters was recently asked point blank whether people called her a bitch. She answered to her knowledge that the worse thing she was called was a “pushy cookie.”

There are women of great power and wealth who do fabulous work in the arts and socially, who avoid being called a bitch. They are known for generosity and class. The late philanthropist Brooke Astor, actress and activist Angelina Jolie, former Ontario Lt. Gov. Hilary Weston, artist Gerda Neubacher, actress Marlo Thomas and designer Diane von Furstenberg, all come to mind. This list really could go on and on.

Most women have such interesting lives now that our worlds and hearts are too big for the pettiness in Clare Booth Luce’s story. It’s a fine piece of fiction, but thank heaven’s it’s as outdated as a girdle or a Marcel wave. Most of us would rather share the sweet life than nurse a bitter heart. After all, working at your work is much more interesting than undermining or sniping.

Don’t get me wrong. Smart women can be savvy, aggressive, and creative, and all the other fine things that bring success without indulging in bitchiness. Actually the support and respect of your peers is, as smart women know, one of the greatest assets anyone can have.

How do you deal with a bitch my darlings? Move quickly away, spare her a prayer, and kill her with kindness. Life is short, smart girls like it sweet. But no one should confuse that with slow or stupid.  We’ve got all the moves; we just don’t have to be a bunch of Bs to get to the top.

Rising star and role model

That just begins to describe D. Woods, a young woman who talks like she’s from the hood, but actually has earned a fine arts degree. D. is a rising music star with many dimensions and loads of ambitions. I think we will be seeing many different sides of D.Woods in the years to come. 

D. Woods,from the hit group Danity Kane, is this month's exclusive DolceDolce  interview. She’s also on P. Diddy’s hit MTV show Making the Band,and she’s the new face of Luxirie, a hip new clothing for women. D. just celebrated her 24th birthday at a big bash over the July 4th weekend here in the rap music capital of Atlanta. The young star and style icon-in-the-making discusses her take on the business and being a role model. She also offers some advice to young women looking to get into the business.

DW:  Well thanks on the compliments first of all. Crunk Abs is something my trainer and I developed for a number of reasons.  I don’t like working out so I needed something fun, to motivate me as I’m doing it. It had to be something I'd continue doing. Second, I am always on the go, so I need something I can perform almost anywhere. Third, I didn’t want to get too buff, but I wanted to tone the right places.

DD: What is the best advice another woman ever gave you about the business or about life in general?

DD: You have a fabulous look. Who are some of your favourite designers and fashion inspirations?

DW:  You might laugh at me, but I dress in themes. I’m a very theatrical person. Yet I am also very, what some would say, the Hip Hop Generation. So basically, my style represents a bridge between those two worlds.

DD: What products do you like to you use to pamper yourself?

Do you remember when

food was fearless?

Remember when people ate delicious and rich things - cream, butter, and bacon - with gay abandon. It was the golden age of television chefs and their battle cry was uttered by Julia Child: “Everything in moderation.”  It’s still great advice. It was an elite company that included Julia Child from Boston, Jacques Pepin from France, and The Two Fat Ladies from Britain. They were all great chefs, but they brought more than just recipes to their audiences.

The Two Fat Ladies brought humour, accessibility and verve to the kitchen. And if you never caught Clarissa Dickson Wright and Jennifer Paterson, they also brought hilarity and a touch of irreverence to the kitchen. They cooked their way across Britain and onto the hearths and homes on both sides of the pond. Their recipes are divine, delicious, and harmless in moderation. The 4-DVD set is a perfect gift for any cooking or eating anglophile. www.acornonline.com

Photograph by: Daniela Stanek

Are you a Charlotte?

So many fans of Sex and the City have a favorite character. It’s one they relate to as a personal style icon: Fashionista Carrie, No-Nonsense Miranda, Sexy Samantha, or Pretty-Preppie Charlotte. Actress Kristin Davis as Charlotte has the natural, clean good looks of a preppy beauty. Want her secret? She uses AHAVA, a product containing mineral-rich mud from the Dead Sea.  Kristin Davis, not Charlotte, is a spokesperson for AHAVA.

I love Ahava products and have used them since a friend first brought them from Israel years ago. Their mineral eye cream is perfect if you want a light non-greasy cream that helps make small lines disappear. It’s perfect for hot weather and younger women too. You can never be too young for eye cream. I have used eye cream and sun block since I was sixteen and have no crow’s feet. www.ahava.com

Here’s looking at you, kid

Do you know that line from Casablanca? If haven’t seen that classic film or you haven’t seen it lately, go and see it again. It has unforgettable lines: “We’ll always have Paris”; “Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine”;  “I like to think you killed a man; it’s the romantic in me”; and “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship”. It also has one the most romantic love songs of all time, As Time Goes By.

Ingrid Berman starred as the love interest opposite Humphrey Bogart and Paul Henreid. She was dewy and dazzling. She wore a lot of white against the blazing lights that studio used to recreate the desert heat. Her look was one of pure glamour.

A five minute fish recipe

and five flavorful variations

This one of my favourite recipes for every day. It’s quick and easy to prepare. It’s also super healthful and delicious. You can make it with fresh fish, but you can also make it with a wide variety of fresh frozen fish fillets. These products are terrific to keep on hand. The fillets are sold frozen in boxes or vacuum-sealed pouches. They usually have the bones and skin removed. This is a big plus with a boney fish such as red snapper. They are a boon when you are in hurry. Fillets packed this way are frozen at the peak of freshness, so the quality is great with most brands.

I recently made this recipe using frozen red snapper fillets and Muir Glen fire-roasted organic tomatoes. Contributing Editor Anne Gravel also made it this week. She used fresh haddock and fresh cherry tomatoes. We both had great results in less than 10 minutes.

(Enough sauce for 4 fillets)

Sauté in olive oil:

 ½ onion chopped

1 clove finely chopped garlic

Add: Washed and dried fish fillets, one per person, seasoned lightly with salt and pepper.

Turn once after 1-2 minutes. Keep pan on med high heat

Add 1 cup of chopped canned tomatoes or 1 cup of cherry tomatoes cut in half, lightly salted.

Add:

1 tsp. ground cumin

1 tsp. dried chili flakes

1tsp. dried oregano or thyme

Optional: 1-2 tbsp chopped parsley or cilantro, add right before serving.

If you like Mexican food try adding some sliced green olives to your sauce, a jalapeno (instead of chilies), also add the juice of a lemon. Don’t forget, you’ll want generous amounts of cilantro at the end. You will have a quick version of Sole Veracruz. If Greek appeals to you, leave out the cumin and add a little more oregano, the juice of a lemon and now we have the flavours of islands near Mykonos. Sprinkle on a little feta if you like. If you crave the taste of the Raj, skip the oregano and thyme. Add instead a tsp. each of turmeric and ground coriander. If you have nan bread in the freezer, it goes perfectly. If Italian appeals to you, skip the cumin. Add a dash of wine to your sauce, ¼ cup of any good leftover vino will do. Add some fresh parsley and a few chopped black olives or capers to your sauce, for a quick Sicilian spin.

If you add salad and instant couscous you have dinner in snap. Instant couscous cooks in the time it takes to boil water. I like to make it with stock in a box or even vegetable juice such as V8 or Clamato, thinned out with a little water. Follow the directions on the box. Steamed asparagus is nice too.

Darlings, no one needs undue stress or unpleasantness. Life is just too short not to be sweet and full of celebration. I really do think there are fewer bitches today, but when you run into a bad one – ouch! But, I know for a fact you can kill them with kindness. It drives them crazy! But I also say run away from anyone hell bent on being nasty.

Try this week’s fish recipe next time you are bone-tired and still want to eat healthfully. I gave the recipe to Anne over the phone. She made it in 5 minutes, before she even hung up the phone. It’s that easy. Plus it’s economical and that is no small thing these days.

Have a sweet week. Find time for a celebration and encourage a friend who needs it. Know that you illuminate the world with your humour and your grace. Remember: please sign-up to DolceDolce if you haven’t already. DolceDolce is free! And forward us to all your friends. Because life should be sweet