Keeping Secrets

Can you keep a secret? Not many people can. In this day of paparazzi, Google, and seemingly constant video surveillance, are there any secrets left? Many would answer no. Discretion is a dying grace and the ability to keep a secret is something few can remember how to do.

I remember back in high school on the rare occasion when I would share a confidence, I would always add: “that’s not to tell anyone else - and you do know who anyone includes?” I was only half kidding. From an early age l agreed with Benjamin Franklin that “three can keep a secret if two are dead.”

This modern urge to blurt maddens me. I am especially irked with those who tell, and then cry for privacy. This includes most celebrities, but also a fair number of private citizens. They never see the conflict. They want to pick and choose what to tell. They confess the most intimate details of their lives, sparing no one from the glare - parents, old lovers, even their children. Then, after their tale is told, they want to be private again. Well, it doesn’t work that way.

In the past 40 years, the most outlandish things have become public. Don’t get me wrong; I am glad we have brought the abused out of shame and hiding -especially children and victims of domestic violence. Let’s hear it for exposing drug and flesh peddlers  too. That is the upside of all the telling.

But a lot of what has come to light has just been prurient. The world has developed an insatiable appetite for outlandish gossip. We have heard details of addictions, affairs, cheating and every type of bad behavior. People have told their secrets and the secrets of others. What is the point? Has life improved? Have people cleaned up their acts? I don’t think so. I think we have lowered the bar. Now it seems that nasty misbehavior is a ticket to 15 minutes of fame, or a short lived stint on reality or talk TV, and never mind the emotional damage done to family and friends. I wonder if I am the only person bored beyond reason by recovering has-beens and people with really silly problems. I just don’t care about the strange sex lives of strangers. However, I do wish they would stop embarrassing their partners and children on network TV.

Aside from a quick burst of media attention, why are people compelled to tell? They say confession is good for the soul. I am sure that might well be true, if it is done behind closed doors to a priest or other professional who has taken an oath not to spill. But many people, in telling, are seeking a forgiveness they may never find.

In my experience, few escape cheating without guilt. The wise have long known not to tell their friends’ secrets and that a friend who tells you ill about your lover or husband is no true friend.

I often wonder what really happens to all the tearful TV confessors when they go home to face the music. I can’t believe it goes very well for anyone. Even with counseling, most people don’t thank anyone for unwanted scrutiny and embarrassment.

What amazes me most is how many men and women tell the sweet and sad secrets of their closest relationships. I don’t mean the casual confidences girlfriends exchange about their husbands. I mean the intimate things that bind two people together and should never be shared with a third.  Darlings, being able to keep confidences is important and discretion is a great gift.

There are times we all need to talk and confide. It can be useful to get another person’s point of view or simply unburden. We need to trust in their absolute discretion or risk cheapening or losing whatever we hold dear. I know this sounds old-fashioned and overly cautious, but think about it. Once a secret is out, it is out. Once you lose someone’s trust it is almost impossible to regain. The same goes for your dignity - no matter what anyone tells you.

Think how tragic this can be if the person you disappoint is someone you love and respect. So, at the risk of sounding old-fashioned and perhaps pompous, isn’t better to learn now how to keep a secret - both your own and others?

I confess I have kept secrets all my life. I have  become very selective about   confidences I accept. I have learned to recognize the look of someone about to confide and stop unwanted secrets before they are told. It’s self defense.

There are some secrets that need to be told. They are easy to spot. They involve big lies and grave misdeeds. Words such as Holocaust, Enron, and Abu Ghraib come to mind. Hopefully you’ll never carry a burden that heavy. Most secrets deserve to be kept locked away, if that’s where the teller wants them. Secrets are often private matters of the heart, disappointments, or indiscretions or someone else’s ambitions that will matter little over time. But if they are carelessly told, great pain, embarrassment or even costly loss can result.

Learn to keep a secret if you can. If you can’t, learn not to listen; it’s the next best thing. Be careful of your confidences in this great age of telling. Never underestimate the allure of mystery and the very real value of a woman of true discretion.

www.karinpacione.com

Hair guru Philip Kingsley:

Advice on thinning hair

Philip Kingsley wanted to be more than a hairstylist. So, while working at his uncle's salon in London, he studied and became a trichologist - a specialist in the study of hair and its diseases. Soon, he opened his own space dedicated to what in the 1950's was a taboo subject of hair, scalp problems. After opening clinics in London and New York, he also launched his own trichologically-driven product line based on hair textures rather than the standard normal, oily, or dry.

Fifty years later, Kingsley is the world's leading authority on hair and scalp health.  He has a "cult" following. His past and present clientele includes royalty, politicians and celebrities like Princess Diana, Audrey Hepburn, Sir Lawrence Olivier, John Travolta, Kate Winslet, Renée Zellweger, Sigourney Weaver and Candice Bergen.  He coined the phrase "bad hair day" and has spent his brilliant career eliminating them.

DD: An increasing number of women seem to be experiencing problems with thinning hair or hair loss. Is this problem getting worse?

PK: I have an increasing member of women at my clinics complaining of hair loss.  This does not necessarily mean that there are more women with hair loss, but that more women are complaining of it.  It is probable though, that there are more because women are living longer.

DD: Are there different reasons for hair loss or thinning?

PK: There are many reasons.  Once the reason(s) have been found (through blood tests) a lot can be done.  Reasons can be hormonal, nutritional, iron levels, thyroid anomalies, pregnancy and post pregnancy, to name a few.

DD: Can hair thinning or loss be treated or reversed?

PK: Yes.  Definitely.  The least that can be done is to stop it, and more often than not, reverse it – depending on the cause.

DD: What do you think about treatments such as the laser comb?

PK: There is no accurate scientific evidence (or reason) why laser treatment should help.

DD: Are hair extensions a viable solution or do they make the problem worse?

PK: Hair extensions usually make the problem worse because less care is taken for the hair already there, and that extensions often lead to traction (pulling) hair loss.

DD: Does hair colour make the problem worse?

PK: Hair colouring does not make the problem worse.

DD: What can a woman do to make her hair look its best while she deals with these problems?

PK: Shampoo daily, condition daily, and use styling aids to give more volume.

DD: What are the other most common problems women seek out your expert advice for?

PK: Everything pertaining to good looking hair and healthy scalps that lead to Happy Hair Days as opposed to Bad Hair Days.

To try the Philip Kingsley line of hair care and for more detailed information on all hair issues visit:  www.philipkingsley.com

Who doesn’t want  a Sexy Smile?

Dr. Pia Lieb  is a dentist who knows what women want. Inspired by her own desire for the perfect tooth whitener she created Sexy Smile.  It’s an elegant silver wand that that fits in your purse. One end holds a safe and effective whiter containing hydrogen peroxide with a minty breath freshener. The other end has a blue-based lip gloss to make your teeth look whiter. The glosses come in six glam shades for $28.50 each.

www.sexysmileonline.com

As a long-time fan of teeth whitening products I wasn’t sure if I’d like Sexy Smile. I loved it. It’s the perfect add-on to whitening strips or more elaborate in-office procedures. It’s a lifesaver for anyone with porous teeth whose teeth stain instantly from red wine or other heavily-pigmented foods.

Your skin is with you through thick and thin. As a result, at some time or other, most women run the risk of developing stretch marks. They can occur when your skin stretches too fast due to rapid weight gain. It’s a pain, as it can happen in the strangest places and for the strangest reasons. Most women get a few during pregnancy. Others get them from the smallest fluctuations in weight. It’s personal and maddening; there is little to do once you have them but let them fade. Some doctors are treating stretch marks with fraxel lasers, but it’s very expensive and the improvement is far from perfect.

But darlings, they do fade and like most flaws they are most noticeable to those if us who have them. My suggestion is to take very good care of your precious skin.

Palmers is one of my favourite skin care lines, for products designed to prevent and help fade nasty marks. Palmers Cocoa Butter Formula Massage Cream and Lotion are full of good things, such as shea butter, collagen, Vitamin E, and elastin to pamper your skin. They are especially recommended for pregnancy, but if you are losing or gaining weight, grab a tube and use it. An added bonus is that being formulated for expectant mothers, Palmers made the products suitable for ultra-sensitive skin and noses. The lotion and cream are virtually unscented. The bath oil, also with Vitamin E, is fabulous for everyone. Rub it into wet skin and be butter soft all the time.

Stop-time capsules

You have probably seen “ampoules” everywhere lately. These little plastic or glass capsules are the latest way to deliver a serious punch of product to your skin. A few years ago, only the poshest lines offered ampoules - and they are still considered top of the line. Ampoules contain serums or oils that are sealed against oxygenation, so they are at their freshest when you use them. If you are in your 20s, you probably don’t need them - yet.  I really like ampoules, especially as we move into warmer weather. Ampoules can offer high-potency ingredients in a relatively weightless form, and results are almost instant.

Elizabeth Grant’s Torricelumn Intensive Collagen Capsules contain her patented ingredient from the sea. “Torricelumn” stimulates collagen and provide an intense moisture boost. Its gorgeous gold packaging gives your vanity a lift, too. Available from www.elizabethgrant.com and in well-priced gift sets from different TV shopping networks.

AminoGenesis Tripeptinon Facial Lift Capsules contain a super combination of powerful antioxidants, amino-acid ogliopeptides, and other anti-aging ingredients, based on 17 essential plant-based amino acids. They are part of a 40-day beauty program.  www.photolagen.com

Pomega5 Revitalizing Treatment for Skin - these capsules are full of organic pomegranate seed, rosehip, and calendula oil to heal and revive the most fragile skins. It’s a totally natural experience and so lovely. This is perfect when your skin has enough and you want pure moisture. www.pomega5.com

I think of them all as my “stop time” capsules.

Cold pea soup is a snap

with fresh mint and tarragon

Classic French food seems to be making a comeback, not that it ever really went anywhere. But there is a definite buzz in the culinary world about classic French.  Quelle relief. Don’t get me wrong, darlings, I like a little retro-American as much as the next girl. But enough is enough.  Everything doesn't have to - and shouldn’t - be glorified nursery food. The world needs to pull up it socks and have a sense of occasion. It’s good for morale.

A lovely meal, pretty and elegant, can be a joyful way to usher in spring. This classic soup is easy and affordable. While it is rich, you serve it in small portions. It can elevate a simple roast chicken dinner to new heights. If you are pressed for time and feel like a party, make the soup a day in advance. Buy a lovely roast chicken from a good shop, pick up some good wine, a fresh baguette, and toss a huge salad. Add cheese and fresh fruit, or a wicked chocolate dessert, and you are the hottest hostess. Don’t forget a selection of tasty olives and some crunchy sticks to serve with cocktails. Keep it short and sweet. Easy and elegant is doable - and fun..

Start with four cups of frozen fresh green peas - petit pois, if available. You can use fresh peas and blanch them, but frozen are less work and just fine. I find fresh a waste in this recipe, as you first cook them and blenderize them and then sieve them, but suit yourself. You’ll also need:

6-8 cups of stock or 1 box of chicken stock (I like organic low-fat).

Fresh mint and tarragon washed and chopped. Omit any herb you do not like and use more of the other. I love both and use them lavishly.

2-3 shallots, chopped (or one small onion chopped)

1 small container of heavy /whipping cream

Food mill or chinois sieve. A chinois is a fine sieve with a wooden pusher used in classic French cooking to produce particularly silky smooth purées. You can use a food mill or any fine sieve with much the same results – put just pureeing the soup in  food 

1-2 tbsp. of sugar optional.

Sweat, and do not brown, your shallots or onion in 1 tsp butter and 1 tsp. good olive oil. When the shallots/onions are tender, add the peas and 1 tbsp of each herb. Sauté lightly for 30 seconds. Then add the stock and simmer for 15 minutes. Do not bring above a strong simmer. Do not cover or overheat - you want the fresh colour of the peas.

Cool the soup slightly, then purée in the food mill or a food processor. Then pass the puree through a food mill or chinois sieve to make it smooth and silky. The puree should be very thick. Pour it into a clean bowl or pot, as it will not need to be heated again. Add the cream and correct the salt and pepper. It will need more salt, as you have not added any until now and boxed stock is not heavily salted. Sometimes depending on the sweetness of the peas, the soup’s favour will become “rounder”, if you add a tsp. or so of sugar. This is done strictly to taste.

Chill the soup before serving. It should be a beautiful fresh green colour. Stir in more cream or chicken stock if you find it too thick. Soup often thickens when chilled. Check your seasoning.

This soup is very beautiful served in plain white bowls or glass bowls. Garnish with fresh herbs and a little drizzle of cream or even red chili oil. The colour and the taste are the very essence of spring.

There is a current vogue for serving chilled soups in shot glasses at cocktail parties. This has been going on for several years. Do it if it appeals to you. If I serve this in a glass, I prefer a larger cocktail glass - something about 4 ounces with little plate under it and a small crouton.  I think a shot glass is a tease, but that’s me - lavish to the end.

Into spring with a vengeance. I am cheered to hear there is finally some good weather even up North. I know it cheered our Toronto office and I hope it cheered all of you, too. The weather has been a challenge this year but to quote the American humorist Kin Hubbard, “don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn't change once in while.”  I laughed, but I admit I too have taken refuge in that gambit. I am a bonfide weather fiend; I get emailed weather updates twice a day. I’m addicted. I just love to know the weather, so I can be dressed just right for it. Don’t you? The important thing is to get out and enjoy it: take a walk, meet a friend and celebrate another spring with family and friends.

I hope you like the mix of products we bring you. We try to bring you the latest in beauty - and only things we try and know really work. We also try to include products that are a real value, because beauty is expensive and there are many great products that can not be beaten at any price. If there is something you need, or a problem we can help with, let us know. We are here to help.

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