Juicy Campus

just sour grapes

Have you heard about JuicyCampus, the electronic “slam book” unleashed on campuses by a clever, greedy creature called Matt Ivester. I don’t hesitate to call him clever because it’s been obvious that ever since 40-somethings and big business have camped out on Facebook, university students would be looking for the next new thing to call their own.

Contrary to the belief of ever-so-hip parents and boomers, the younger generations need a corner of the world - especially the cyber-world - to call their own. I have this on good authority from our younger DolceDolce staffers.

And in spite of the protests of its founder, it’s obvious that Facebook is a gold mine. So it was inevitable that someone would try to hit big again by capturing the trend-setting campus audience. Enter Ivester and his electronic nastiness, actually a slightly more poisonous version of the originalFacebook. Facebook was designed to let college students “rate each other”; Juicy Campus has just upped the nasty ante.

I think it’s reprehensible but predictable. Schools have always had what comedian and screenwriter Tina Fey so aptly called “mean girls”. Mary McCarthy, the great American novelist, mentions school nastiness in her famous novel The Group, set in prewar Vassar. And rotten boys have always scrawled filth on bathroom walls.

I am troubled by the willingness of students to embrace this new e-nastiness, and the slowness of the opposition to form. Over the years, I have talked with friends whose otherwise popular daughters have run into rough patches with other girls. Luckily, with wise advice from mom and few close friends, they rode it out. From what I read and hear, they were lucky. Listening to the chat on Oprah, Phil and Tyra, it seems that some teens play very rough today even in the formerly safe suburbs. Social bullying seems to have become the norm. One problem seems to be that parents are often as out of control as their children. So, is it any surprise that college students don’t know when to call a halt?

The only protection anyone really has against a bully, besides the law, is public censure and disapproval. I shudder to think what would have been said or done where I grew up if this started to brew. My friends and I would never have behaved like this. There is something wrong when supposedly bright and intelligent young people in a university environment are not troubled by the racism, sexism, and the other objectionable content on this site.

It troubles me that students can’t see how an outside profiteer is using them to make money. This whole enterprise is as exploitive and unethical as Joe Francis is in his treatment of the young girls he recruits for Girls Gone Wild. Both activities are more damaging than many young people imagine.

Sites like JuicyCampus also pervert ideas such as free speech to encourage cowards to take shots at innocent people. I took a good look at what Juicy posters put up on this controversial site; I did not see a single amusing, clever, or useful post. No one used the site to entertain, enlighten, or to expose a dangerous situation. No, the posts were stupid, mindless, or mean. I was shocked that there does not seem to be many women’s and other campus groups denouncing and discouraging this. I can assure you, this would not be considered a simple “free speech issue” on campus in the 70’s, nor would the first protests have come from individual students or administrators. This destructive site would have been targeted by student activists.

I hate censorship. I hold all my constitutional rights sacred. But this isn’t about free speech; it is about college students defending their rights. I want them to get militant about who they let into their netspace. No one has a right to have access to their campus; students can choose, and they should choose wisely. This is a special time in their lives and they don’t need to share it with filthy damaging exploiters. They can say no. Perhaps they need to understand just how much economic clout they have and how low people will sink to get it.

We all need to wake up to the reality of the Internet. There is no privacy on the net and a lot less security than people selling you online services will have you believe.

I would never bank online or do anything else that involves a password from a wireless connection or a mobile phone. Don’t take my word for the risks; do your own research. The Wall Street Journal has had several excellent cautionary articles.

Paris Hilton recently had her personal pictures exposed on Facebook to anyone who wanted to see them. I constantly warn friends that their Facebook sites should contain nothing they do not want to make public.

If you engage in this type of social networking, you are, in essence, writing your autobiography online - and others are editing it with or without your permission. No longer is it just a celebrity who may have unauthorized photos posted on the net. No darlings, anyone unwise enough to be photographed at parties drunk and foolish or in other comprising positions runs the risk of having their behavior end-up exposed.

We all know employers search the web when looking for or at potential job candidates. Ask yourself whether this is the face you want to show the world.

As for the little mud-slingers, they should be aware that the wild west aspect of the web cuts both ways. So while legislators and others struggle with ways to regulate potential slander, libel, and other crimes without trampling First Amendment rights the little mud-slingers and hater mongers on sites like JuicyCampus should be wary. Nothing is truly anonymous on the web. Any day some hacker could easily expose them and their questionable prose to future employers, parents, and professors. 

We have a nasty problem when this wonderfully informative Internet is used to exploit our youngest, best and brightest. Alas, every generation has its Pandora’s Box. This is one of ours. So, speak out against bullies, lead by example, and keep your private business, private.   

Questions of love and passion

Have you ever been kissed and wondered what it meant? Have matters of the heart left you perplexed? Have you pondered the question of eternal love? Have you wondered if there is a way to close the deal in a romantic relationship? 

Dr. Carol Cassell, president of The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, Western Region and the author of Put Passion First: Why Sexual Chemistry is the Key to Finding and Keeping Lasting Love answers some of the most perplexing romantic questions. Dr. Cassell is a well-known expert dedicated to helping women transform their relationships. Her other books include Swept Away: Why Women Confuse Love and Sex and Tender Bargaining: Negotiating an Equal Partnership with the Man You Love. 

DD: Is there is a “science behind kissing? What can a kiss tell us?

CC:  We say a smooch or a kiss, but science says philematology and this research tells us a lot about why a kiss is not just a kiss and why we love to kiss and be kissed.  It seems we love how kissing makes us feel and savor the tingling anticipation of what might happen next.  While we kiss with our lips, it is our brain that is directing our reactions. Our pulse rate goes up, blood pressure rises, the pupils get bigger and we breathe more deeply.  When we kiss, we get a sensory cocktail, one that kicks in a heightened awareness of what that person is like, and if there is a sensual spark worth pursuing. While both men and women say they enjoy sweet and tender kisses as well as lustful and hot wet kisses, women much prefer spontaneous and tender kisses. Women also place more importance for a man to be a “good kisser” in terms of pursing the relationship.  Men tend to see kissing as the prologue to sex; women tend to see a kiss as a way to bond and express feelings - some loving, some sexy.  The good news is that all of us say we would like to kiss and be kissed more!

DD: How can you tell if the man you are dating is a keeper?

CC:  First, you have to determine how much you are sexually attracted to him. If you rate sexual attraction on a scale of one to 10 - where 10 equals “I crave this man!” five equals “whatever,” and one equals “nada” - you need to have at least a six (better yet, an eight) before going any further. With real effort and a lot of luck, you might be able to turn the heat up a notch but because so much is involved in sexual passion it’s hard to do more than that. Still, you don’t initially always have to be hit with a lightning bolt - breathtaking passionate relationships have grown from being “just friends.” And lust has been known to trigger romance and visa versa. But you have to feel sexually drawn to him - if not instantly, then definitely before you consider exchanging keys or choosing the china pattern.  In short, if you aren't all that tickled when you are around him, he is not for you, no matter how well you “get along.” Too many women settle for less and end up missing being loved the way they would have loved being loved. 

DD: Is there away to “close the deal” if you want to get married and he still hesitates?  

CC: It takes two to cha-cha and if he is dragging his feet rather twirling you around the dance floor, you need to take off any emotional blinders that are keeping you from getting a clear look into what your future holds, or doesn’t.  It is hard, but you have to accept a bittersweet truth: no matter what you do, you can’t make him march up the aisle to the altar.  If you have been advertising your need to say “I do” and he just isn’t ready and willing to say “me too”, you are on the cusp of a big decision. You need to play him or trade him. In the first option, stop singing those wedding bell blues and make one last ditch effort to take this relationship up a notch.  Men react better to smoke signals than to billboards. Send him subtle smoke signals that he is the man for you because you respect and adore him and you are the woman for him for many, many reasons.  And, send clear signals that while you want a forever soul mate, you can live without one as a confident and sassy woman.  Keep in mind that men like to do, not talk. Put the emphasis on enjoying doing things together but give him plenty of breathing space.  After four or five months, if he looks like he is coughing up a giant hair ball at the idea of getting married, you need to consider option #2 and end the relationship.  Don’t get caught up in the cultural notion that a “serious” relationship that doesn’t end up in marriage is a failure.  Relationships don’t jell for any number of reasons; it isn’t anyone’s fault. You learn what you need to learn and move on.

DD: Is it true that a woman should avoid contact with a man who is bad for her, because physical contact releases chemicals that bind her to him emotionally?

CC:  First of all, a woman needs to ask herself why she is attracted to a man who is ‘bad” for her - and if this attraction is to this specific guy or does she tend to fall for bad boys?  Once she has gained some insight into her behavior, and if she is certain that this specific relationship isn’t in her best interests, she has to stop having sex with him. Why? Because sex floods our brain and body with a series of related chemicals - dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.  Together they trigger a woman’s emotional ties to her partner during sex - it’s our inner little cavewoman wanting a man to commit to us and protect us because we could get pregnant.  Given the erotic sensation and the bond you feel to your partner when you have sex, it makes sense that breaking up is hard to do. Ending a sexual affair is like withdrawing from any addiction; it gives a whole new meaning to the term love junkie.   

DD: What’s more important in a lasting relationship: compatibility or chemistry?

CC:   If you have a comfortable, compatible love but not passion, you don’t have enough. If you have sexual chemistry but not friendship, you don’t have enough. A relationship built on being mutually, passionately in love offers the best of all worlds because it is a fusion of sexual heat with the cooler emotions of love.  A passionate love is that erotic, sensual, vulnerable, volatile, euphoric emotion that highjacks the soul, the mind and the body. It rocks your world like nothing else. The irrepressible power of passion connects you to a sensual and loving man in a way that is sexy, gritty, full of risks, good times and bad times and feels like you have found a pot of gold at the end of the love rainbow.  Scratch the surface of a happy couple and you’ll find that the sexual chemistry is always there - it ebbs and flows, but it can ignite in a heartbeat. And it turns out that being passionately in love is the glue that makes a long term relationship exciting and playful and helps it stick.

DD: Is there really any way to stay in love forever and keep the sex, sexy?

CC:  For a love to last over time, you have to take time to really be there for the man in your life. We are all so busy; we often neglect to give him the kind of sensual and loving attention that feeds the fire of staying passionately in love.  Making a wholehearted commitment to your relationship - and putting it first in your priorities - is the single most important ingredient in a lasting love.  Practice the Two-Minute Passion Refresher every day and you will experience a world of difference in the lovy-sexy feelings between you.  And it is so simple. Take two minutes every day to hug, caress, and lightly nibble and kiss-kiss your partner: don’t talk, just enjoying the feelings of being physically close.  When time is up, kiss your partner like you mean it - like you did when you were going together.  If you can face the reality that your early-on over-the-top sexual desire for each other is bound to smolder and flicker from time to time until it reignites again, and if you can both agree to resolve differences that are bound to come up between any two people, you can enjoy a snuggly and sexy  “happily-ever-after” love. 

For more information: www.carolcassell.com

The fresh scent of spring

If you have been longing for a new scent to waft into spring, you may want to try one from Wellness by Clean Perfume. Clean has been a hit with celebrities known for their simple, chic, styles, including Courtney Cox Arquette, Jennifer Tilly, and Julia Ormond. Clean scents are a blend of crisp, yet understated, yet sexy fragrances.

Clean’s Ultimate Eau de Parfum combines juicy notes of Italian bergamot and Provencal lemon with lavender, jasmine, white rose, and muguet with neroli and musk. It’s as crisp as a white shirt. This has the scent of an instant classic.

Clean’s Wellness Purity Eau de Parfum has top notes of bergamot - the beguiling scent you smell in earl grey tea - mandarin, tea, and dewberry with a lift from rose, jasmine, muguet, and geranium. A base of sandalwood, cedar, leather and musk round out the scent. It’s feminine and soft.

And their Wellness Harmony Eau de Parfum hits you with uplifting top notes of sparkling Italian lemon, eucalyptus, and rosemary. The heart of the fragrance is soft with subtle rose, jasmine, and orange blossom notes, with a base of creamy cedar wood and musk. This is a soft, happy, balanced scent for a woman who likes subtlety.

All the Clean scents are formulated to be non-irritating with only pure ingredients and free of synthetics or petroleum. To purchase or find out more about the Clean line: www.cleanperfume.com

Kenzo Flower is a small work of art. The beautiful glass bottle, in the shape of a graceful bud vase, embodies the essence of this delicate floral scent, now available in North America. The fragrance is a light floral, beguiling, with notes of orange flowers and sweet spices. Far from ordinary, this deceptively simple scent will lightly linger in the memory and float on a summer’s breeze.

Biotherm’s Rides Repair

bye-bye to little lines.

Europeans are crazy about Biotherm. You may be too, after you try their new generation of Dermobiotic skin care. Its Rides Repair (rides is French for wrinkles) has a new ingredient called pure silicium that helps stabilize and regenerate skin to fight wrinkles. And here’s the bottom line: when I tried the eye cream, all the troublesome little lines that had appeared under my eyes - especially when I am tried - disappeared. I had to look twice, but it was true. They were “visibly reduced”, as they say. How fabulous is that? The rest of the line: day cream, night cream, serum and skin polish are worth trying too, especially if you have seen early signs of aging. Available in early April.

Easy & elegant lamb shops

Lamb chops are lovely and elegant and yet few people know how to cook them properly. Often found on the menus of fine French restaurants, home cooks shy away from them. That’s truly a shame. There is nothing as simple or more delightful for a chic little dinner with friends or just for two. Plan on two chops for light eaters and three for most people. A heartier appetite might demand four. Chops should be “drenched”. That means to have the long bone cleaned, but most chops come that way. Local fresh lamb is a treat, but honestly, frozen lamb from New Zealand or Australia is also very good, I wouldn’t hesitate. Actually, once while shopping for lamb at a very posh local butcher in a lovely foodie city, I happened to notice - not quite out of site - a large stack of distinctive discarded boxes of frozen New Zealand Lamb. It was quite obviously the source of the lamb that was being packed and sold to me. Obviously, the carriage-trade butcher had no problem with it. As it hadn’t been mislabeled or too marked-up, I bought it and considered myself wiser for the lesson.

This never fail method is a variation of Julia Child’s leg of lamb recipe, and it works like a charm.

Preheat oven to 475 F -225 C

This recipe is good for 8-10 lion chops and serves 6-8.

Clean your chops of any extra little strands of meat or fat that may cling to the bone “handle”. Marinate your very clean and perfect chops in:

½ cup good French Dijon mustard

2 cloves of mashed or pureed garlic (yes it’s a lot but you need it)

1 tbsp. fresh, rough-chopped rosemary or 1 tsp. of dry rosemary

(I use a lot of rosemary.)

Lots of fresh black pepper

1tbsp. good olive oil

2 tbsp. of soy sauce

Put the chops and marinade in a big ziplock bag and make sure all the chops get coated. You can do this in a bowl but the bag is easy to store and lets you really get the meat well-coated.

The chops take 20 minutes flat in a very hot 475 F -225C degree oven. Rest them lightly covered with foil 10 minutes. This gives you medium to rare chops. I think cooking them very rare destroys the flavours. I also put a small dish of washed, lightly salted, and olive-oiled cherry tomatoes in the oven with lamb. The tomatoes burst slightly and get sweet. They are delicious with the lamb and look great on the plate. I often serve this as part of a classic meal with roast or pan-crisped potatoes with rosemary, and fresh asparagus. It’s always perfect. Aside from vegetarians - for whom I usually just quietly serve smoked salmon or some pan-fried tofu in place of the lamb - there has never been a complaint.

If you are lavish and have made extra chops, they are also delicious served on a salad of tender greens with lemon vinaigrette. Add a thinly-sliced red onion, pomegranate seeds, and a dash of pomegranate molasses. Warm your chops slightly or allow them to warm naturally before serving. This also works well with any other leftover lamb.

Until next week, take my advice and Google yourself if you haven’t lately. You never know what you might find. Clean up your online act if you need to. The web is forever but it never hurts to police the Facebook, YouTube things, if you go in for that stuff. I was surprised to find questionable photos on a few professional sites lately, but maybe some people think anything goes these days. I fear they will have a rude shock, as there is always some type of double standard operating. When it comes to public behavior, I like the 70’s hipster saying: “be discreet, keep your business out of the street.”

Anyway darlings, enjoy the good on the net and shine our collective light. Think spring: try a light new fragrance, flaunt a floral, or cook a savory spring feast. Life is short, but make it sweet. Find time for a friend, read a good book, or learn a new piece of music. We should relish each special moment. And I want you to know, I appreciate each one of you.

Until next week please sign-up if you haven’t already - DolceDolceis free. And please forward us to all your friends.