Throw Enough Mud and it Sticks
Recently Kyla Ebbert, a young student and waitress, was thrown off a Southwest Airlines flight after a fellow customer allegedly complained her clothing was immodest. A male employee told Kyla her outfit was inappropriate. He informed her if she wanted to make her flight she would need to change.
Kyla was unable to change as she had no luggage. She was she allowed back on the flight after agreeing to cover herself with a blanket.
Since then pictures of Kyla in her “immodest garb” have appeared on the Internet and on television. In her tank top, cropped sweater, and denim mini, Kyla looks just like countless young women her age. She looks exactly like what she is: a college student. Much has been made by some of the fact that she is also a waitress at Hooters, but I can tell you as a fashion editor, you can find similar outfits on young women in malls and campuses across North America. Go to www.youtube.com and decide for yourself.
Grounded Girl Kyla Ebbert
What bothers me is the high-handed manner in which Kyla was treated and humiliated. While no sane member of the public would argue the right of a captain or crew member to keep order or safety in flight, when did it become acceptable for airline employees to treat passengers so shabbily?
Southwest has apologized at least twice to Kyla. They have also been widely quoted as “not having a dress a code.” The reality program Airline - which features Southwest Airlines - bears this out. It frequently shows passengers, including off-duty staff, flying on personal business, boarding the aircraft in very casual dress.
I am disturbed that a young woman could be treated this way without repercussions, beyond any legal action she may choose to pursue. Granted in certain circumstances; schools, restaurants, and employers have the right to enforce dress codes. But one attends these institutions knowing the rules ahead of time and they are applied equally and to all.
What happened to Kyla seemed to me like a much milder version of stories that are now coming out of Iran as fundamentalists assert themselves. Recently, Time magazine reported on a young woman journalist in Iran who was chastised by religious police for the way she was dressed. She was in a public park with her husband when she was detained and threatened. She was allowed to leave with her husband only after signing a statement saying that she would reform. Such is fundamentalist rule. She was lucky.
Granted, Kyla would not have been beaten or arrested. But I wonder if she had argued or protested too loudly, would she have been escorted out of the airport? Also, what recourse did she have but to sacrifice her dignity to make her flight? Yet, she clearly broke, no rule, violated no policy, nor did she endanger anyone else.
According to Kyla, she needed to make her flight to keep an important medical appointment. She had had little recourse but to accede to this person’s demands and suffer the humiliation of returning to aircraft covered by a blanket.
Since the incident, Southwest has announced a marketing program that attempts to make light of the incident, by offering a seat sale at skimpy prices.
"We don't have a dress code at Southwest Airlines, and we don't want to put our employees in the position of being the fashion police,” said Southwest’s chief executive Gary Kelly in a report on The Associated Press. “But there's a fine line you walk sometimes in not offending other passengers."
It’s a good thing that Southwest came to its senses. However, its explanation still leaves open the potential for abuse. What if fellow passengers were to object to a woman on a flight wearing a burqua? However, I am not suggesting airlines adopt dress codes. They don’t have to. If a passenger were truly to dress or behave obscenely, that would contravene the law.
By now to many, this may seem to be just another inconsequential incident, easily solved by an apology. I don’t agree. Accusations of sexual immodesty are often used to degrade and belittle women.
By what right does an airline employee pull a young lady off a plane because of her clothes when there are no fixed standards or rules? Can a person in the airlines employ now randomly arbitrate dress and mores? Just whose rights and safety was he protecting? What standards did he use? It is interesting that since the Kyla Ebbert story broke another young woman has come forward with a similar story about having her to adjust her clothing on a Southwest flight.
Common in Campus Closets, should this skirt get you scuttled from a flight?


I read statements attributed to Southwest that they are a family airline. I shudder if this is their defense. In our free society these days, “family” has many definitions. Kyla's mother was hurt and upset at her daughter’s treatment by the airline. Are some families more prized than others in the Southwest pantheon? Is there a family uniform? Some of the sweetest, smartest university students who belong to my extended family group wear outfits very similar to Kyla’s. I resent the implication of tossing her from a flight for immodest dress. How dare they attack my family’s’ sartorial values?
Accusations about a woman’s sexy dress, appearance, or behavior are cheap tactics that all too often tarnish a woman’s reputation. If a woman protests too much she risks looking foolish or being accused of making a big deal out of nothing. This is how many subtle forms of sexual harassment - of both men and women - survive in the workplace today.
We are vulnerable when it comes to sex. It’s a quick and dirty way to knock a person down and everyone knows it. There is an old saying: throw enough mud and some of it is bound to stick. Kyla was lucky; her story spread and enough sensible people on her flight spoke up in her defense. To my knowledge the outraged fashion critic has remained silent. Kyla even scored a Today Show appearance. So all’s well, and all that -- until next time.
I find that more and more often common politeness and even civil liberties are being trampled in the name of security or efficiency. I don’t like it. It is a slippery slope. Let’s all be patient with security lines; it‘s not only common courtesy, it’s common sense. For years I have wished people would clean out their carry-ons and make it easier on all of us. You really can get your luggage in a timely fashion; I have all over the world. Politeness and forbearance are great attributes as the world gets more crowded and scarier. But, it has to cut both ways.
And it is not just the travel industry that faces challenges. I have seen people treated horribly by hospital clerks as they struggle through chemotherapy. I have comforted mothers who have had school officials speak to them abusively, and teachers in tears after talking to rude parents. It is time to get rid of bad customer service, meaningless apologies that mask rudeness, meanness, and incompetence – and get back to basics. We need to demand and teach good manners and respect for others by example.
Lines are being crossed these days and waters are being tested. What happened to Kyla Ebbert on Southwest did not sit well with my democratic soul. I am glad so many people spoke out for her. The injustice done to her and the pettiness of it all could have happened to any of our dear, young women. Darlings, we all need to be on our guard and ready to speak out so that people will stop trying to use sex to keep us in our place. After all a women’s place is anywhere she wants to go in her stilettos, ballet flats, or running shoes - or even in a mini-skirt on Southwest Airlines.
 
Rona and Fredelle Maynard on Rona’s Wedding Day

An Interview You Won’t Want to Miss with Rona Maynard
The one experience every woman shares is that of being a daughter. Rona Maynard’s book My Mother’s Daughter will resonate with every woman - mothers and daughters. As the editor of Canada’s Chatelaine Magazine she often shared stories of her own family life with her readers. The columns I remember best were about her relationship with her mother. Her insights on relationships, work, and family are invaluable to women of all ages.
In her memoir, Rona uses her spellbinding gift as a storyteller to share her journey of becoming a woman in the shadow of her talented but challenging mother, Canadian author Fredelle Maynard.
Rona shares her thoughts about her book and women in the workplace in this exclusive DolceDolce interview.
DD: Why did you wait so long to write a book?
RM: For 10 years I had the perfect excuse: “I don’t have time.” I was editing Chatelaine, Canada’s best-read magazine for women. I had more boardroom presentations to prepare, a creative team to lead, and a slew of market research to ponder. But the great joy of that position was never the corporate stuff; it was building a relationship between Chatelaine and its readers. In my monthly editorials, I wrote from the heart about the challenges and rewards of being a woman as I had experienced them. Letters and e-mail messages poured in—especially when I wrote about my mother, the woman who formed me. Readers told me they saw themselves in my story. “Where can I find your book?” they would ask.
When I left Chatelaine, I had nothing to do except what I wanted to do. I didn’t miss the job, but I missed hearing from the readers who had followed my story from month to month. At first I hesitated to focus on my mother. I thought I’d invested quite enough of my mental energy in our relationship during her lifetime. But I came to realize that pretty well everything I’ve done is either a tribute to her or an act of rebellion against her. This is not because I’m unusual; it’s simply because I’m a woman. So I wrote the book my readers have been waiting for.
www.amazon.ca
DD: How did your mother influence your career?
RM: Like me, my mother was a journalist and author (her memoir Raisins and Almonds is a Canadian classic). But before she turned to writing, she had another career as a literary scholar. She had hoped to teach English in a university, and no one could surpass her credentials. Then she lost her first teaching job - to a less qualified man - when she became pregnant with me. She never forgave the old boys’ club for exiling her from academia.
My mother’s resentment cast a long shadow. For years it deterred me from aspiring to a career. She hoped I would become a writer, and she gave me two of the must-haves for every storyteller - a passion for language and a boundless curiosity about the human heart. But I didn’t want to follow in her footsteps. I wanted something of my own. I hated the thought of my mother looking over my shoulder, advising and critiquing. So when I got serious about working, I decided to apply my wordsmithing skills as an editor.
DD: Why do you think some mothers and daughters are blessed with an easy, loving relationship while others seem destined to butt heads?
RM: Whether they’re aware of it or not, all mothers teach their daughters what it means to be a woman. Everything a mother tells her daughter - about sex, beauty, work, marriage, you name it - is part of that lesson. A woman who’s been cruelly disappointed will let her daughter know. She’ll give warnings that drive the daughter crazy, like “Men have one thing on their minds.” Or she may say hostile things like “You think you’re so smart!” Maybe she used to think she was pretty smart herself - until she got her come-uppance.
It’s easy to forget how restricted women’s options have been until very recently. There are lots of disappointed mothers around - mothers who couldn’t pursue the careers they wanted, or who stayed with Mr. Wrong because they didn’t think they could afford to strike out on their own. The better life gets for women, the easier it will be for mothers to raise their daughters with hope instead of anxiety or even jealousy. A woman is supposed to want nothing but the best for her children, but how can she avoid a twinge of pain when her daughter has options she couldn’t enjoy herself?
DD: What would your mother think of this book?
RM: I’ve often asked myself that question - especially while I worked on the book. My mother had always been the keeper of the family narrative, the storyteller who explained us to ourselves. I never got very far with my own version of events. If she didn’t tell me I’d got it wrong, then I would censor myself. She’d been dead for 15 years when I began to tell our story as I understood it. And even then, there were moments when I could practically hear her sigh, “It didn’t happen that way.”
She always did like to be right, and in my mind this trait had defined our relationship from the beginning. To capture her presence on the page, I had to explore other traits - her resilience, her vitality, her boundless curiosity about people and their motives. I came to realize that my story would fascinate her, even if she disagreed with a few of the particulars. She’d want to talk about what I remember, and what I’ve either forgotten or dismissed as minor details. What a conversation we could have!
DD: You are the mother of a son. If you had a daughter, what advice would you give her about work and marriage?
RM: I’d try to strike that delicate balance between hope and realism. The culture of the workplace was created by and for men, so they still have it easier than women do. Many young women haven’t figured this out. Because they haven’t dished with senior women (who still tend to feel pretty isolated and vulnerable), they think the golden age of equality has arrived.
They also seem to think they can drop out of the workplace to be full-time moms and get back on the promotion track when they choose. I worry about that. Have these women asked themselves how they’ll cope if their marriage falls apart?
Work can give a woman both joy and security. But without the support of a wholly committed partner, it’s going to be a tough, draining slog. I’m delighted to see so many hands-on fathers; in my day, men talked about “babysitting” their own kids. My advice to a daughter: choose work you love, and it won’t feel like work. But choose a partner who loves to see you happy. Because no matter what the company says about “putting people first,” you are not the priority. The bottom line is.
DD: Young women today have more opportunities, but they also seem more conflicted in some ways. Can you elaborate?
RM: These women are the daughters of women like me, who surged into the workplace determined to “have it all” and then came home exhausted to throw dinner on the table with no sense of ceremony. They gave everything they had to corporate masters who, in many cases, later turfed them without warning. Young women want better lives than their mothers had - just as we wanted better lives than our stay-at-home mothers.
They don’t want to work past 5, and they often ask for part-time hours. But this doesn’t mean they have no interest in advancement. The ambitious ones are struggling to reconcile their dream career with their dream family life. Instead of “having it all,” they talk about the equally unattainable notion of “balance.” I’d say they’re even more idealistic than we were.
For more about Rona or to send her your thoughts www.ronamaynard.com.
 
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Lu Kun

Trends from New York’s Fashion Week
Art for Progress designer Lu Kun caught our eye wit this great cocktail dress that carries over two great trends from fall, metallic and a short structured hemline. We think Lu Kun is one to watch.

Beauty
Colder weather and warmer clothes can cause problem perspiration for many people. Layers of wools and over-heated rooms can cause the daintiest girl to go moist. New Secret Clinical Strength is formulated to keep you really dry through it all. It’s applied at night - the special applicator dispenses just the right amount - and it’s available in two scents. How fabulous is that?
The Ultimate Power Handbag
Do you grope in your dark, bottomless, bag looking for your keys, your phone, or your lipstick? Does your cell phone die leaving you cut off from the world? Well now there is a bag for you. Lumanesse. These Italian leather bags carry a backup charger to power up all your essentials, from phones to MP3 players. They also have an interior light and panic alarm. All you have to do is remember to charge your bag every night. This is perfect for the wired woman.
lumanesse.com . DolceDolce readers can get a 10 percent discount by using the code: 007vma.
www.karinpacione.com
Food

Spicy, Rich, and Ripe
While I am still in high hope of a long fabulous Indian summer, once September arrives, it is the start of soup season. I adore soups of all kinds. And if you are trying to shed a few pounds you’ll be happy to know that eating soup has been shown to be slimming.
This is a recipe for a delicious, rich, and spicy tomato soup. It is perfect on its own and even better with a toasty cheese sandwich or big fresh salad, or even a toasted baguette speed with fresh pesto.
The tomatoes have a bold fresh favour and the sweet onion and balsamic give the soup a slightly sweet and sour taste that is subtle and unique.
I make this soup with a large can (about 2 ½ cups) of San Marzano or Fire Roasted Tomatoes. You can use fresh plum tomatoes if you have lots of them, but give them a quick roast first. Just wash, partially seed, and lightly salt about four and half cups of fresh tomatoes. Toss in a baking pan with a little olive oil and roast in a slow oven for about 1½ to 2 hours. Stir occasionally. This can be done in advance. When they’re done, you will have about 2-and-a-half cups of sweet fruit.
Dice and sweat 1 sweet onion in olive oil in a large soup pot.
Add 1½ to 1 tsp. of chili flakes. I like it spicy, but you can omit the chili if you don't like the heat.
After the vegetables soften, add 1½ tbsp of sugar or Splenda. Mix it into onions but do not brown. Quickly add the same about of balsamic vinegar. Stand back as you stir. Quickly add tomatoes and the same amount of a good chicken stock. I like to use an organic boxed brand.
Simmer for about 6 minutes and taste, add salt and pepper.
Purée with a stick blender, or in batches in a blender or a food processor. I like a chunky soup, so I use the stick blender. If the soup gets too thick, and it should be somewhat thick, add more stock.
This different, more exotic tomato soup evokes the ripe pleasures of the harvest. I think it is perfect with a cold rosé and a few warm friends.
This different, more exotic tomato soup evokes the ripe pleasures of the harvest. I think it is perfect with a cold rosé and a few warm friends.
What a week, as I head to the kitchen to make more delicious soups, maybe some scones, and perhaps some pickles. Fall harvest inspires me to cook with vegetables. Even though we can now buy everything year round, there is nothing like the bounty of local crops. It’s exhilarating to see the colours and smell the fragrance at farmers’s markets this time of year. Go see and smell for yourself my darlings, it is intoxicating! Don’t forget the real maple syrup and artisanal cheeses!
This week I can’t stop thinking about how lucky we are to have our friends and just how important standing up for each other can be. I feel very lucky to have all of you and hope you all have a very sweet week. Until next week please, sign-up if you haven’t already; DolceDolce is free. And forward us on to your friends. Because life should be sweet.
 
Gracey Hitchcock
Editor
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